Add 2 More, and Burlesons Become 4!

During our dicussions about which country to adopt from, we were also discussing whether or not to open ourselves up to sibling groups. Sibling groups are difficult to adopt out because most people don't want to take on more than one child at a time. So, we concluded, we are adopting two children. This might come as a shock to some, I think it did to me at first!

For those of you who don't know Sam very well, I'd like to do a little explaining. The power of God has been shown in many magnificent ways...and in our small lives, this is one of them! In our conversations about children pre-Haiti, Sam would usually make some comment about how uncomfortable talking about kids made him, accompanied by a gagging motion, and finished off with "We're only having two!" Anyone around for these conversations can attest to that, which actually happened frequently because our brother-in-law Dana used any opportunity to remind us it was time for children, and as he would put it "You're not getting any younger!" :) All in good fun of course! Since Dana's been pushing for kids for at least 2 years now, that's a lot of gagging :)

Another frequent conclusion of Sam's was that we were NEVER having girls. It just wasn't in his genes. His original theory was that the Burleson family only had children according to what gender the Burleson parent was. (We all laugh at this because this theory has been disproven three times now). To be fair, when he made this theory, Kristi had 3 girls, and Brian only had a boy. However...Calley has always had a boy, so that right there might have been a clue he's not onto something, but I love my husband for his big ideas. Since then, Kristi had a son and Brian had a daughter, so the theory would logically be disproven...

So the theory shifted from "We won't have girls because that's just not how my family works" to "We won't have girls because WE just won't have girls!" He clearly wasn't letting the "no daughters" policy go. I'm not sure of his reasoning, but I think girls scare him :) We're emotional and complicated. Sounds scary enough. I didn't have the heart to tell him we don't have a lot of control over that, nor that the more times he joked about it, the more girls we would probably end up with - God has a sense of humor too :)

SO to sum up, no more than 2 children, and NO girls.

I'll keep saying it, Haiti changed everything.
The way God works in us is truly indescribable.


Post-Haiti: Sam wants to adopt two children. He's also said the words "...next time we adopt..." :) I love my husband for being open to God's plan and not his own!

So...why two children? Simply put, we figure why rescue just one from potential death (because in the Congo that's what they face - 50% death rate for children under 5), when we can rescue two? Also, there were a few reasons we've decided not just to say we're open to a sibling group, but to request a sibling group. First, siblings deserve to be kept together...and most countries recognize that - they will not adopt siblings out separately because they know how important this is. But there's a catch 22 with this...siblings are being overlooked because they're siblings. They don't deserve to have to wait many years for a family to want them just because there's two, or three, or four of them. They're being overlooked for something that's in their best interest in the first place. Why does it feel so good to keep them together, only to feel so sad they're not getting adopted? More families should consider this.
Second, when we're bringing children home of a different race into an all-white family, it's going to be crucial for them to have someone they can identify with, and someone who came from their heritage. They will inevitably at some point, or maybe many points, of their lives feel like they're "different". Whether it's because they're black, or because they're adopted, or because they're Congolese. Regardless, we will work very, very hard to teach and praise our children for being different, reminding them that God makes each one of us special. Nobody is the same, and that's a magnificent thing. If we can minimize their feelings of being different in our own home, where they are to be the most loved and most accepted, it will be because they have someone else who looks like them and came from the same mother, country, and culture. The rest will have to fall into place, but they deserve to have someone going through the same thing right along side them.
Some might ask then, if two, why not more? I guess the best answer to this is that we also have to be a little bit realistic. Sam has concluded he would rather have man-on-man defense instead of zone for our first bout at parenting, so no sibling groups of three or more. :) Being first time parents, we will have a lot of adjusting and learning to do. Besides, like Sam says..."next time we adopt..."


I feel one-sided talking only about Sam's pre-Haiti feelings in this post. To clarify, I had pre-Haiti feelings too. I might have been able to talk about having children without gagging, that's true...but I was also transformed through our experience in Haiti. It's humorous to me - the limitations we put on ourselves only to find out God knows us better than we know ourselves. I am talking a lot about Sam's feelings because in this particular area, I think it is especially obvious the changes God can make in a person who's willing to let Him. Sam made the choice to be changed, praying he would become the man God wants him to be. That's the type of surrender I strive for, and Sam has whole-heartedly allowed God to work in him.

Oh, and one last thing....


Did I mention yet that Sam said to me the other night, "I feel like we should consider adopting girls..."

The Research Begins...

When Sam and I returned from Haiti, we still didn't have a good idea of the adoption process. Then when we decided we were going to adopt, we had this grandeur idea of looking at a list of children who have been waiting for homes and overlooked by others, and pick out our children...

HA! What an idea! We quickly found out that's not at all how the process goes. There are only two countries who put their list of available children out there before a family extends their desire to adopt - China and Bulgaria. Every other country waits for a family to submit their paperwork, then they choose one of their available children and pass it on to the family. So, we were told we first needed to pick a country and go from there.

There are 185 countries listed on the Adoption.state.gov website. I would say 75% of them have either had no adoptions ever documented from there, or a very small amount (usually indicating those adoptions were relative adoption only). So, because I have a difficult time making any decision without thoroughly evaluating all my options, I went through all 185. I first evaluated the number of adoptions they've had in recent years, and eliminated those with little or no adoptions in 2011. After countries made the first cut of having enough adoptions to even legitmately consider, I then looked at the requirements to adopt from that country.

Boy is this a whole new world. The requirements are broken up into sections:
1. Age of adoptive parents
2. Length of marriage for adoptive parents
3. If not married, whether or not singles are accepted
4. Number of times adoptive parents have to travel to the country in the process.
5. How long the adoptive parents have to stay in country during the process.
6. Cost of adoption from that country
7. Age of children available in that country
8. Length of time it takes from start to finish to adopt from that country.
9. Income requirements
10. Religious requirements

So, I went through and evaluated each country left, eliminating based on the following criteria we had within the above requirements:
1. I'm 28, Sam is 31 - this eliminated just a few countries - China (have to be 30), Haiti (have to be 35), and another (have to be 40).
2. We have been married for 4 years, and will be married 5 years in May. This didn't eliminate too many, although some did require marriage of 5 years, and Haiti we know requires marriage of 10 years.
4. We didn't have a preference for the number of trips, but the more times you have to travel, the more costs are incured because of extra plane tickets, housing while you're there, etc. There is an up side to that of course though - while you're in country, you have guardianship over your child and he/she can stay with you in your guest house or hotel, allowing for some very good bonding time.
5. Travel time length eliminated a lot of countries. There were a shocking number of countries who required several weeks, or even several months, in the country before you could proceed with your adoption. Sometimes it was because court proceedings were delayed, or could reschedule without warning. Other times it was because the countries wanted you to live with your child for 30 days to make sure it is a good fit before proceeding. While this makes sense, our jobs won't allow for that length of time away, and since we have to have jobs to support the children we're bringing home...kind of important. Here are some examples:
Hungary - requires 2 trips - 1 trip is 30 days, the next trip is 15 days - can be combined to stay in country the whole time.
Ethiopia - 2 trips, 1 week each trip.
Japan - in the country for 18 months before you can adopt....
The list goes on and on. So, we eliminated any country who required us to be in the country for longer than 2 weeks at a time.
6. Cost came into play some, but most countries are around the same price. Russia and Kazakhstan are considerably more expensive, so we vetoed them since we weren't partial to adopting from there in the first place.
7. Age we didn't care a lot about because we were aiming to adopt those kids who have been waiting...so we didn't eliminate any based on this. But to give you an idea, some countries didn't have any children under 5 because so many people want to adopt infants, to give you an idea of where age groups come in with countries.
8. Length of program - Bulgaria is 2-3 years. China is close to 3 years unless you're adopting a waiting child (waiting could mean older, a sibling group, or special needs). We weren't interested in starting our family in 3 years. It's kind of like when you decide you want to start a family and you want to not only be pregnant immediately, but you want that baby to hurry up and get here. So we eliminated some countries who were just too long to wait. Sometimes the wait times were long because they have a lot of adoptions going through them, and sometimes it's because they have a process in country that doesn't allow for it to go any faster.
9. Our income disqualified us for some countries, but most didn't have income requirements - they just wanted to see that you could support a child/ren.
10. Some countries required you to be Muslim...so we don't qualify for those.

Some of the above information wasn't readily available on every country, so after narrowing down what we could on the above criteria, we came up with 15 countries we were ready to research further:
Armenia, Bulgaria, Columbia, Democratic Republic of Congo, Ethiopia, Ghana, India, Lithuania, Poland, South Korea, Taiwan, Uganda, Hungary, Ukraine, and Hong Kong.

We looked up more about the adoption programs, the children available, the agencies who work in these countries, the costs, the travel time, etc. We vetoed the countries for the following reasons, and were down to 4 countries:
Armenia - Too long of travel (2 trips, second trip is 3-6 weeks)
Bulgaria - Too long of program (2-3 years)
Columbia - Too long of travel (3-7 weeks)
Ethiopia - adoptions are slowing down there, and wait time was getting longer
Ghana - due to the recent arrests there, agencies are recommending all adoptions hold up until they can figure out what's going on. Suspect of child trafficking :(
India - Too long of program (2-3 years)
Poland - Too long of travel (4-5 weeks over 3 trips)
South Korea - Too long of program 2-3 years)
Taiwan - Both parents have to be 30
Uganda - Travel time is unpredictable (3-7 weeks first trip, then 2 weeks second trip)
Hungary - too long in country (45 days)

We were left with Lithuania, Ukraine, Hong Kong, and Democratic Republic of Congo.

From here it was purely prayer, and where God was compelling us to adopt from. Here's why we chose DRCongo:

**There are over 5 MILLION orphans in DRCongo alone. Agencies call it the Orphan Crisis.
**The DEATH RATE for children under 5 is 50%. Half of all children will not make it to their 5th birthday.
**The WARS in Africa are claiming lives every single day - either by raiding villages and making young boys (6 and up) kill their families and kidnap for them to become soldiers, or kidnapping the girls to be sold into sex slavery. These kids need out.
**SICKNESS is plaguing the country, and more children are abandoned due to parents dying from not being able to afford or get any medicine.
**Some orphanages hold over 200 children, with NOT ENOUGH FOOD to feed them. So, the kids eat one meal every other day. When was the last time you went 48 hours without eating?
**DRCongo is the 2nd POOREST country in the world.
**If the above reasons aren't enough already, it's a shorter program (12-18 months), sibling groups are available and need adopted, and only one trip is required for only 7-10 days.

There is a need everywhere - even here in the U.S. While it's hard to say where the need is greater, we KNOW these Congolese children need us. They are dying without help, and the growing number of orphans can't possibly decrease without families pursuing adoption. The biggest difference for us between domestic and international adoption was simply the difference in circumstance for the children. Like I said, there is a need for adoptive parents here in the U.S., but here there are foster homes and a family type setting for most children who are without parents. I KNOW the system isn't perfect, and children are still hurting here. But we don't have orphanages. We don't have children sleeping 25 to a room with no windows in 100 degree heat. Our children are fed three meals a day (in theory - I know there are awful circumstances even here), and our kids live in a place that at least has food and clean water available. Our bare minimums are far beyond what a country like DRCongo has on their best day.

So...this is why we chose to adopt from the Democratic Republic of Congo. We feel drawn there, and know our children are waiting. We will persevere through any trials that come our way. Because if your child were living in those conditions, wouldn't you too do everything you could to bring them home?

God's Perfect Plan

Hello everyone! We are so excited to share this experience and amazing adventure with our friends and family! If you're reading this, you already know that Sam and I have decided to adopt two children from the Democratic Republic of Congo in Africa. Since this came as a shock to most of you (although some predicted this would happen, long before we even knew ourselves), let me tell you a little about how we got to this decision...

In February, 2012, Sam mentioned I should "read" (we listen to audio books) the book called "Not a Fan". He gave me the CDs and I started listening to it on the way to and from work. This book was amazing! The message is inspiring, teaching us to be true followers of Jesus, not just "fans" who only focus on Him when it is convenient or when we suddenly remember we haven't prayed for 4 days. Throughout the book, the author challenged me to think outside the box and apply what I was learning to my every day life.
Every year, Sam and I take an anniversary trip. We switch off who plans it, and this was my year to plan. We toyed around with the idea of a cruise, but I hadn't made any final plans. As I was nearing the end of the book, I was contemplating planning our anniversary trip to be a mission trip. The idea felt right, but the thought of not getting to spend a week on a cruise, basking in the sun was holding me back. In the last chapter of the book, the author stated: "I'm going to paint a picture for you. You're going to watch a movie of your life, but instead of seeing familiar events as you remember them, I'm going to insert details that were changed because you truly followed Jesus..." He went through various scenarios from high school and college age, then said, "Now you and your fiance are planning your honeymoon and instead of seeing yourself on that Carribean cruise you took, you are at an orphanage in Guatemala feeding children their only meal for the day." My jaw dropped, and I was shocked at how much that seemed to be talking directy to me. I made the decision right then and there that Sam and I were taking a mission trip for our anniversary.
Each year, we budget a certain amount of money throughout the year for our trip. I went to Sam and told him we needed more money than we'd budgeted for, and explained what I had in mind. We normally keep our trip plans secret from each other until much closer to leaving, but this was a different circumstance. We started researching possible trip locations, and googled Short Term Mission Trips. A long list of them came up, and I reviewed each one. One in particular came up called For His Glory Outreach, a non-profit in the US working directly with an orphanage in Haiti. I contacted the missions coordinator, and got some more details. Meanwhile, Sam looked up a little more about Haiti. He discovered the Department of State warnings for Americans not to travel to Haiti due to the violence and the Cholera outbreak. He did some more research, and determined he wasn't sure he wanted to go to Haiti. He asked about some places in the US that we could go, and I agreed there were safer and cheaper places to go, but I felt that we could be of greater use in Haiti than here since there are federal and state programs available to help most people here who need help (although I know the system isn't perfect), explaining that countries like Haiti have no government programs to help, and they rely upon Americans to help get the resources they need. We prayed about it both together and separate, and about a week later, Sam told me he was ready to go to Haiti with me! That book taught us to take a leap of faith, and we were doing just that.
We looked at pictures and videos of the orphanage in Haiti we would be visiting, and fell in love with it. The children, the nannies...we couldn't wait to get down there. We collected donations, both monetary and materials to take to them, as groups like us are the only way these orphanages get supplies they can't get in country, such as diapers, baby wipes, formula, etc. as mail doesn't get to them. So we packed 5 suitcases stuffed full of donations, with our own week's worth of necessary items in carry ons and headed to Haiti from June 1-9th!!

Haiti changed our lives.


In every sense of the word. NOTHING is the same for us after coming back from Haiti.

Our closest friends and family members have already heard this, and know how difficult it was for us to come back. We spent the first two weeks isolating in our house, sharing stories and tears with only each other, finding it difficult to talk about anything other than Haiti together. That country, it's people, it's orphans, moved us. It moved us to want to go back, to want to hold those children every night, to yell at selfish Americans who throw away thousands of dollars each year in a new pair of shoes they don't need, or going out to eat. We loved going out to eat before. But now, the food was tainted because that $9 a plate was sickening to think about, considering that's more than one person makes in an entire week of working 14 hours a day in Haiti. We were moved to want to do more.

But we were plagued with the question of how we wanted to help. What could we do to truly impact these children and their entire situation? We had several ideas, none of them great, but all of them would make an impact on children who have nothing. However we still felt so incredibly lost.

Meanwhile, for all of May and now into June, I was waiting to hear back from the University of Illinois in Chicago to find out if I was accepted into their Masters of Social Work program for this fall. I had plans to get my masters, as I wanted to become a child therapist. I had applied to 3 schools, and was waiting to find out from the 3rd before determining where we would be moving to this fall. We had already talked with people around town trying to find renters for our house, and were making plans to leave. Both of our jobs knew we were leaving in August, and the details would fall into place once we finally knew where we were moving.

But...after Haiti, school made me sick every time I thought about it. The dollar signs kept adding up in my head, and it made me physically ill to think about going back to school. I love to learn, and I would have really enjoyed school...before Haiti. But now, why would I spend more money than 5 families make in an entire LIFETIME working until they day they die in Haiti, on myself to better MY education. I already have a good job...why am I so special that this money was going to be spent on me, meaning we may not have enough to donate every month with only one income? I could feel it - some people call it a gut feeling, I call it God - He was telling me it was the wrong choice.

June 13th (4 days after returning from Haiti): While sitting at work doing paperwork, the idea suddently popped into my mind, "We could adopt!" I have NO idea where that came from. Sam and I never once talked about adoption while we were in Haiti, and never once did it come up since we returned. We are too young to adopt from Haiti (you have to be 35 and married for 10 years under the current law), so it was never something we truly considered to be an option right now. Maybe some day... but this random thought (God) popped into my head, and I instantly felt peace. All the unsettling and lost feelings I was having after Haiti disappeared for a split second while I entertained the idea of adoption. There are other countries, and so many other children! I quickly texted Sam telling him I had something huge to talk to him about that night, and dismissed the idea, worried I was getting my hopes up for nothing.

That night, I explained to Sam my crazy and unexpected idea. He can tell you what he was thinking and feeling at the time, but what I saw was a man's heart growing. For those of you who know Sam, and have heard him on several occasions jokingly gag when talking about becoming a parent (mostly as a joke, but it secretly terrified him), you can only imagine what I anticipated his response to be. He calmly said, Okay...yea, I mean let's pray about it and see where that takes us..."

Like I said, Haiti changed everything.

While we finished fixing supper, Sam picked out the movie we were going to watch that night (we often watch something over supper, and with our Haiti-induced Depression, we found ourselves numbly on the couch a lot). We have had the movie "Courageous" for 2 months sitting on our shelf, but we'd never put it in to watch it. He saw it on the top of the pile and decided to try it out. We cried more than once through that movie, looking each other and laughing at ourselves and each other through our tears, "This movie is really sad!" After the movie was over, we took a walk. The movie is about a group of fathers who stand up as strong Christian leaders in their homes despite the daily trials of raising children. It was like God was telling us what we were being called to do, yet again. Sam was incredible as we discussed adoption on that walk, and the way God worked in our hearts to prepare us for this was far beyond anything we ourselves could have done alone.

June 15, 2012: I came home and told Sam I didn't want to go to school. I had decided, but I actually had to convince him that we shouldn't move and shouldn't go to school because we'd spent the entire last year planning for this! I'd spent hours studying for the GRE, stressed over taking it, filled out several applications, wrote essays, we spent hours planning what our lives would look like after we moved...everything was building up to this fall...and now I wanted to change it. It took just about as much time to convince Sam I wanted to go back to school a year and a half ago as it did to convince him I didn't now! Haha, I can't blame him...I would have looked at me crazy too. But school didn't feel right, and I knew this wasn't a one-time opportunity. I can always go back when it does feel right, but this fall isn't it. I knew that much. We discussed again the idea of adoption. Knowing I wasn't going to school, adoption was clearly the answer. However, just to be sure, Sam again suggested we pray on it for the next week and then decide. We knew this was a huge decision, and one we didn't want to take lightly. Sam's family was coming into town from Texas to visit in a week, and I HAD to let Missouri State know soon if I was taking the position they offered me in their program or not. So, we gave ourselves a week to make any decisions (even if it was the decision to wait and decide later) regarding our future.

June 17, 2012 (Father's Day): After a fun-filled day of church and family time, we were walking into Wal-mart that night. Sam put his arm around me and told me he has decided 100% - he wants to adopt! I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he was so sure after such a short period of time. Sam isn't one to make decisions lightly, or emotionally. He weighs out all pros and cons, and isn't impulsive. He balances me out very well :) I also couldn't believe he was choosing the Walmart parking lot to tell me I'm going to be a mother! Only the biggest moment of my life - no big deal :) I was too ecstatic to even care; it was such a surreal moment. Just two short weeks prior, I never would have guessed we would be making the decision to adopt. But God did. He knew what Haiti would be like for us, and He sent us there to get us ready for His ultimate plan. We too would have thought someone was crazy for deciding in 4 days to adopt a child internationally. Luckily, God doesn't work in the constraints of what people's minds can grasp. Before Haiti, we would have looked at this so differently. But that was a worldly way of looking at it. God isn't putting limits on us, we aren't going to put them on ourselves.

We know how huge of a decision it is to become a parent. We know there will be trials, and we know it will be hard at times. But we KNOW beyond any of that - God has a plan, and HE will see us through that. We have learned to be obedient, and will follow Him wherever he decides to take us.