A Move Towards Stability

Apparently, we have a way of piling one thing onto another to make things just a little more complicated...

But what fun is faith if you can't ever exercise it right!?   :)

We have known all along that we would outgrow our house with the children we're going to soon be adopting, but always imagined having at least our first group of kids at our current home.  We made plans to remodel things, change the office into their bedroom, etc.  Sure, it's a smaller home, but why would we ever consider house hunting on top of going through an adoption?  Moving would require additional expense, an addendum to our home study (more money), packing and moving in the dead of winter, finding a renter or buyer for our current home, etc....  That's way more on our plates than we'd ever willingly pile onto ourselves!

Well, about 2 months ago, Sam drove by a house that was for sale.  He hadn't ever seen the sign before, so he thought it was newly put on the market.  He did some research on it, then drove me by it the following Sunday on our way to church.  He asked what I thought of it, and my mouth dropped open because we were absolutely not looking for houses.  I was confused, and asked what did it matter what I thought of it if we weren't trying to move?  He shrugged and said he wasn't sure, but that he really liked it.  The next day I asked him how serious he was about the house, and he said he wasn't really..."It's a lot of money, and we aren't looking to move."  Well, at this point, he'd already planted the idea in my head.  Bad move Sam if you "aren't really serious about it". :)  I'm easily excitable, think incessantly about the possibilities, and am impulsive.  Not a great combination when your husband expresses excitement about something, then says, nahhhhh.

The more we talked about it, the more the idea of moving to a bigger home BEFORE the kids come home really made sense.  The biggest reason was the kids' adjustments.  They already have to get used to everything new - and I mean EVERYTHING.  New food, new smells, new sights, new parents, new family, new language, having belongings of their own for the first time - clothes, toys, everything... And it hurt our hearts to think of them finally getting used to their surroundings and feeling safe...only to then move and force them to have to get used to yet another house, surroundings, and lose the sense of security they'd built up in our current home.  These kids have been through enough.  If we know it won't be long before we outgrow this house with 2-3 kids, then maybe we should consider making this change before they come home and spare them the extra fear.  Can you imagine having to experience a foreign world with foreign people, only to then have to get to know yet another foreign place?  If moving was on our hearts, maybe we needed to see where God took us with it...

So, we decided we should go see it and we would know pretty quickly if we liked it enough to see if we could make it work or not.  We called the realtor Sam used when he bought our current home (we love her!), and we went to see it.  We left the tour somewhat unsure, as it was a lot of money when we weren't planning on buying a house, and the quality of the house was very well-kept (they took really great care of it, that was obvious), but not super modern.  If we're going to spend the money on a house, shouldn't it be super modern?  (I'll come back to that later).  So we decided we would go look at a few other houses in the area with comparable characteristics and see how this house compared in price and quality to others on the market with the criteria of what we wanted:

• At least 4 bedrooms - we're only doing this once and since we've already made comments like "the next time we adopt..." we know our family is going to continue to grow.  (woohoo!)
• Close to Clear Lake - most of Sam's family lives in Clear Lake, and we spend a great deal of time in town.  Our small town is beautiful, but when Sam works in Clear Lake, and I work in Mason City, we're in Clear Lake a lot.
• Not any further for us to drive to work. 
• Some potential for growth - both outside and in - What if we want more than 4 bedrooms?  We also wanted a place for our kids to play outside and our dogs to run.
• Preferably rural - Sam has always said he doesn't want to live in town, he wanted to live out in the country.  I grew up in the country and loved it, so I was definitely in agreement. 

We toured 4 homes, and each one had some really great qualities to them.  The first we looked at was in Clear Lake.  It was nice and spacious inside, had 4 bedrooms, huge garage....buuuut, the garage was tandem (single file so cars can only go in one behind the other), and it had a really small backyard.  It was pretty congested in that neighborhood, and we wanted more space for our kids and dogs.  

The second and third houses we looked at were in the same development about a half a mile outside of Clear Lake.  The development was small, and was in a rural setting, but houses were still side by side.  The first house was beautiful inside, had a great finished basement, 4 bedrooms...but had a pretty small backyard that opened up to a gravel road, and the neighbors were pretty close (we're starting to sound like hermits, haha).  The third house we liked even better, it was really great inside - the floor plan was unique, had a finished basement that could be made into a 5th bedroom, the dining room and kitchen were built up so they overlooked the family room, and the backyard was huge, leading down to a creek.  It was definitely a likely possibility.  

The fourth house we saw was about 8 miles outside of Clear Lake.  It sat on 4 acres, had a big barn, and a few outbuildings, then the rest of the land was wooded.  It's on a gravel road, and had gorgeous landscaping (I'm talking a tri-level waterfall system with a pond, and a bridge to walk across the pond).  This took some serious time!  (Which would also mean it'd take some serious time to maintain, and my green thumb hasn't grown in yet...) This property also had a guest house!  It was beautiful, heated and air conditioned, a loft, a perfect play house for the kids.  Buuuuut, it was a quarter of a mile off the interstate, and the semis were so loud going by that we could hardly hear ourselves on the phone outside.  So much for beautiful landscaping if you need headphones to enjoy it... So, between the distance from Clear Lake and the interstate, we sadly told that house goodbye (I also liked this one).  

We decided to go tour the initial house again.  We kept coming back to this one, and even though we started out somewhat unsure after our first tour, it grew more and more appealing.  It met every single one of our criteria above, and was over $40,000 cheaper than the 3rd house we saw and liked.  

Let me tell you about it :)

This home was built in 1920.  It has 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a basement that would pretty easily make into 1 or 2 more bedrooms if we needed them. And it already has a basketball hoop! (haha okay, that's not really important).  :)  It was owned by a couple and their family for the past 34 years, and they took excellent care of their house and property.

It has a beautiful barn, and 4 outbuildings.  The property is 4 acres, full of pasture areas to allow for a potential future Burleson Petting Zoo (hehe).  The barn is in good condition, as are the outbuildings.  And there's already a horse hitching post! (okay, also not really important...but so cute!) 

(See them in the picture above on the left beside the white building? They even have horse heads on them!)

This is the entire property.  The road you see in front of the house is blacktop (which means no gravel dust, phew!).  There's a little monkey bar, swingset combo already on the property as well (also not important, but a nice perk).  Annnnd, it's a mile outside of Clear Lake.  It takes Sam 5 minutes to get to work.  It's a little shorter for me to drive to work as well, not by much, but a little.  

We prayed hard for God to show us if this is what He wants us to do.  Did He really want us to be trying to work in a down payment for a house on top of paying for an adoption?  When we compared this home to the reeeally nice home #3 I mentioned above, we concluded that we didn't need really modern.  Home #3 was breathtaking when you walked in (it didn't help when they had supper cooking in a crockpot on the stove and the whole house smelled like YUM!).  It had a beautiful backyard, and all new updates inside.  But, that's all we'd be getting - a house and a backyard, and fancy appliances.  Those are really, really appealing and the good ole American way of thinking really kicked in there for a bit.  Super nice house really stood out in my mind, but as we talked about it, we realized we didn't want to just buy a house with really nice things.  Because nice things aren't what's really important, or going to matter in 5 years when it's all outdated again anyway.

Most of all, we are really trying to turn a new leaf, and focus on making sure that every purchase we make brings glory to God in some way.  Would a really nice house with just enough space for our family and a backyard be able to better bring glory to God than the house on 4 acres?  With the extra outside space at the house in the pictures above, we could host youth group activities, hold outreach events, invite people in need over for supper or a bonfire, have bible studies, etc.  Some of those things we could do with the other house as well (a bonfire doesn't require 4 acres), but the magnitude and potential we would have with 4 acres means that much more potential for God to use us and our home to reach out to others.  With the possibility of a 5th and 6th bedroom as well, that's even more kids we can help, whether it be through adoptions, fostering, sleepovers, or giving someone in need a warm place to stay.  

We looked hard at our finances, because we absolutely weren't going to pull anything from our adoption savings account, and it was a bit much to swallow when the next check we would be writing is $18,000 towards our adoption.  Could we come up with a down payment as well?  We came up with a plan, and decided with the interest rates where they are for home loans, we should go for it.  If we couldn't settle on a good price, then it wasn't meant to be.  We also learned that this house has been on the market for 2 years, and has had a For Sale sign out front the entire time.  We go by this house EVERY Sunday for church, and we just now saw it for sale?  It's also only had one offer on it in 2 years, and it is a very nice home, great location, and excellent acreage.  Sooo, maybe these were little signs we should move forward on it?  We put in an offer, and after some negotiation, we got it! We are now looking at a closing date of (on or before) January 4th!  

There are some things that could still prevent this from going through, and since we haven't signed papers yet, nothing is a done deal.  But, if those things happen, I believe those are God's way of keeping us on the right track.  If this opportunity falls through, then it wasn't meant for us.  We are content in our current home, and will make whatever adjustments we need to fit our family here.  Our adoption fund went untouched, and we continue to add to the adoption savings account each paycheck.  We promised ourselves we wouldn't let this move influence our adoption goals, and we'll continue to hold ourselves to that.   

SO, those are the changes that are happening now with our preparations for our kiddos coming home.  We are so excited that the home our kids will learn to feel safe in is the home they will continue to feel safe in their whole childhood.  No uprooting has to happen, and their sense of security and safety with us is a top priority.  And one day, they can proudly give the tour of their home to their new brother or sister, understanding their feelings of fear, but reassuring them that it will be okay because they're finally home...

It Only Takes One...

Sunday was Orphan Sunday!!   November is Adoption Month!!
What an excellent time of year!  :)

Here's a little history:  Orphan Sunday was unintentionally started by a church in Zambia, Africa in 2002.  The leader of a church there was preaching on the many places in the bible that God calls us to care for the orphans and the widows.  During the offering, he asked all the orphans and widows to come stand up in front of the congregation.  Imagine the scenario - a partially outdoor service in the heat and beautiful red dirt of Africa, and standing up in front are the widows and orphaned children who came to service that day.  The leader asked for the congregation to consider putting something, anything, in the offering plate for these vulnerable people and children that God calls us to pay attention to and watch over.  As the offering plate was passed around, one elderly woman gave the only thing she had to give - a head of cabbage.  The lady behind her took off her shoes and put them on the plate.

What selfless acts...

I want to stop and really think about that for a second.  These women likely had very, very few possessions.  They were probably wearing most of their possessions, and if a woman had a head of cabbage with her at church, it was likely the only food she had and was keeping it safe with her.  They had virtually NOTHING, and they still managed to give something.  There aren't nicely paved sidewalks in Zambia...walking without shoes would be quite painful.  But yet, this woman gave up her shoes for the orphans and widows of her church.

God says it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven.  (Matthew 19:23-24)  We are greedy, greedy people here in the richest country of the world.  We have everything we could ever need, right at our fingertips.  But we hesitate when someone asks us for money, or for something material they need.  We think to ourselves things like, "They could get that themselves if they'd just work..."  or "If I give them this money, they're just going to go blow it on something silly." or "That IS a really good cause, but I just don't have a lot leftover after going to a movie last night..."  Raise your hand if you've passed someone in need and thought one of these things....

Guilty as charged.  AND, it's not always about passing someone in need and refusing to give to them.  It's also about seeking out opportunities to help others.  Going to places where they lowly are, and the poor are. Giving the coat off your back when it's cold because, let's face it, you've got 3 more at home.

Orphan Sunday has grown into a worldwide event.  That initial Sunday back in 2002, there was a preacher visiting that church service from the U.S.  He also recognized there is more Christians need to do to recognize this specific calling God has for us, and initiated something similar the following year.  Thousands of churches in Africa also took it upon themselves to do something the following year, without any advertising or prompting it just spread throughout the continent.
Orphans and widows are referred to in several places in the bible - He must feel he needs to state it several times for us to get it...we can be very thick headed sometimes.  :)  When I first heard about Orphan Sunday, I went onto their website (www.orphansunday.org) and saw there was a place to volunteer to become an Area Coordinator.  I decided I'd like to help create some movement in my community and surrounding areas for Orphan Sunday, so I signed up.  Some friends and I got together to plan an event for Clear Lake.  We invited all 17 Clear Lake churches, and gave each church 2 complimentary tickets to come to our Orphan Outreach event.  We sent out letters, and did follow up calls.

We were understandably very discouraged when only 3 churches showed up...3 out of 17...
One church said they were just too busy in the month of November with their own things going on, that nobody will really want to listen to one more cause.  Another church who has almost 200 members said they just couldn't find anyone to go.  We felt some frustration with these responses, mostly because this event did not cost to attend, attendees would be fed, and there was no form of commitment whatsoever.  BUT, we soon remembered that even if one seed is planted, that's one more than before...and we don't know what else can come of that, so we tried to really focus on those who DID take the time to come, instead of focusing on those who didn't.

At the event, we showed a video, "Cry of the Orphan", which was awesome.  It went through several adoption and foster care stories, creating a lot of uplifting and motivating messages about what churches and Christians can do to influence orphans.  Then we went through some orphan statistics as a group to help spread the word on the plight of the orphan.  Here are a few of those statistics:

• There are between 143 million and 210 million orphans in the world today.
• This number differs so much because there are a lot of orphans who are not being cared for in orphanages, so it is very difficult to get a solid number. 
• There are over 100,000 children in foster care in the United States who are waiting for adoptive families.
• There are actually over 500,000 children in foster care in the United States total, but not all are up for adoption.  100,000 are available for adoption and waiting for families.
• An orphan dies of starvation every 90 seconds.  In the time it took me to type this blog, 20 children have starved to death.  Food is such a basic need - one we meet for ourselves multiple times a day - and so many kids don't even have one meal and are consequently starving to death.  That is a long and agonizing death.  How sickening is the feeling of hunger, when you feel it every minute of every day, searching through the garbage and rejoicing and finding chicken's feet to eat...
• (I've said this one before)  There are 2.7 Billion Christians in the world.  If only 8% of those were to adopt just one child, there would be no more orphans.  We need more adoptive families to conquer this orphan crisis and truly show God we care about His beautiful children.

Now, one thing we wanted to point out to everyone at this event, and at our church class time where we did this as well, was that there are many, many ways for Christians to get involved with caring for orphans.  Adoption is just one way, but we know that not everyone is in a position to be able to adopt.  That doesn't mean that there's nothing left for you to do.  Everyone working together and giving what they can contribute is all part of God's perfect plan.  We as a group came up with a list of ways Christians can get involved with caring for orphans:

• PRAY - this is a huge one.  And the most powerful.  It doesn't require anything financially, and is something you can do anytime, anywhere. 
• Give financially - for those who are in the position to spare some extra change, or work into their monthly budgets a larger amount to give, anything is appreciated.  Most Americans spend more going out to eat than they do giving to charities or to do God's work.  We are given more, and are therefore called to give more.
• Sponsor a child - Compassion International has a wonderful program where you can sponsor a child who is trying to support him or herself to go to school.  Just $38 a month covers that child's food, education, and medical needs for the entire month.  And, you get to write letters back and forth to the child you sponsor.  What an amazing gift for that child and his or her family!  If there were more people willing to do this, there may not be as many children orphaned because their parents would be able to continue caring for them with a little extra support.
• Foster a child - there is a huge need for foster homes in your state - I guarantee it!  Superman had foster parents, and look how he turned out!  :)
• Adopt - while this might be an obvious one, there can be some fears and questions that people still have. That's perfectly okay!  If you have any fears or questions, please let me know, I'd love to talk to you about them! 
• Provide respite care for a foster child or family - Respite care is like babysitting in a sense - it's providing a place for the foster child to go to give both the child and the foster family a little extra support and change of scenery...it could be for an evening, it could be for a weekend, or it could be for a week while the foster family goes to visit family but cannot take the foster child with.  It is all on your terms, and it is a great way to help out a family who continues to serve the community by being a foster home.  They too need a break sometimes to allow them to continue serving.  We don't want them getting burned out!
• Support an adoptive family, or local adoptive agency.  
• Support a child on www.reecesrainbow.org - this website is dedicated to children with special needs who are waiting for adoptive families.  Each child on there has a fund that goes towards their adoption, enticing people to consider adopting them because some adoption fees are already covered.  You can choose a child on there to donate to his or her adoption fund to help provide an extra incentive to a family willing to adopt that child.  Side note - children with special needs are often placed in Adult Mental Institutes when they are between the ages of 4 and 6 years old...They are considered damaged children, and once they are transferred, they are overmedicated, and sit with no hope or joy in their lives.  To give you an idea of the conditions and level of care these children and adults receive, there is someone hired full time on staff at these institutions with the sole job responsibility of burying bodies.  If you need someone to bury bodies 40 hours of the week, it is obvious your patients aren't being well cared for.  
• Mentor an orphan - there are many children in your community who could just use a mentor.  Someone they can find support in, and just someone they can enjoy spending time with.  It's easy and rewarding.
• Come up with a unique way to raise money for a charity, or child you're sponsoring, or for a special donation.  I'll tell you about a friend of mine who is doing one right now that you can join in on if you'd like!
• At Christmas and Birthdays, instead of giving more toys or other things children and adults alike do not need because we already live in excess, choose an organization like World Vision where you can purchase livestock or small animals to give to a poor family in a third world country.  For example, there are chickens, ducks, rabbits, goats, cows, etc. that you can purchase for a family to be given this Christmas.  Each animal costs something different, so you can pick and choose how many of each one you'd like to give.  So, instead of giving my nieces and nephews unnecessary gifts at Christmas, I'm going to tell them the money we would have spent on a gift and let them pick out something in that dollar range to give to a needy family.  Gets them involved, and teaches great lessons on giving and not always expecting to receive something in return.  

The list could go on and on.  There are many unique ways Christians can get involved in caring for God's orphans, so keep thinking and adding to this list!!  If you come up with something additional, add it in a comment - we'd love to hear about it!

As mentioned above, I have a friend who has decided she would like to help a child on Reece's Rainbow.  She would love, love to adopt, but is not in a position to be able to do that right now.  So, after spending many nights feeling helpless and unable to make a difference in an orphan's life the way she wanted to, she found an idea from a fellow blogger on a way she could help.  My friend is a big runner.  She has done several races, and finds genuine enjoyment in running (I think she's confused on what "fun" is) :) haha....So, since November is Adoption month, she has decided to get pledges from people for every mile she runs in the month of November.  She is trying to find 20 people willing to pledge a quarter for every mile ran.  Her goal is to run 4 miles every weekday, which in a month would equal to about $20 total for each person who pledges.  I don't know about you, but $20 is a fairly small amount when you think about it over the course of a month!  Now, she has only gotten 6 pledges so far, so if anyone would like to join, please do!  Sam and I have both joined but we need more!!  Let's show Amanda some support from strangers and really motivate her to do this awesome thing!  All donations will go to a little girl on Reece's Rainbow who doesn't have any donations yet for her adoption fund, and she has been waiting for a family for awhile now.  You can read about Amanda's commitment on her blog here.  Let me know if you'd like to commit to donating $20 to her as she runs her little heart out for orphans!

Soooooo, to sum up...The title of today's blog is "It Only Takes One..."  The orphan statistics can be very, very daunting.  It often leaves people feeling like the problem is too big, "what can I possibly do to influence that?"  These are valid feelings, but cannot be excuses.  I saw the t-shirt design shown below, and fell in love with it. This is absolutely true.  It only takes one person to make a difference in one orphan's life.  You can make a difference in one orphan's life, and if everyone took that responsibility on, every orphan would be touched.  We don't have to aim to fix the world's orphan problem, but we can do our part for just one or two...and to them, that's the world of difference!

Happy Halloween!

Despite being on a Wednesday, I hope everyone had a wonderfully ghoulish Halloween!  :)

I want to apologize for the lack of posts lately!  There were a lot of unknowns after I posted last, and since we were up in the air, I didn't quite know what to write about.  In the meantime, we were busy helping with the planning of our annual church "Not-So-Scary Halloween Party".  We had it this past Sunday, and had an excellent time!  Sam and I were in charge of the Middle and High school kids games, and I hope they had as much fun as we did hanging out with them all night!

Each year, Sam and I's costumes have a unique concept.  We are each something individually, but together we make up something entirely different, and it's usually a play on words.  For example, one year Sam was dressed as a taco, and I was dressed as a toilet.  Together we were Taco John's.  (get it?)  Last year, I was a hairy person, and Sam was dressed as his boss, James Potter.  Together were were Harry Potter.  :)  We have a lot of fun with it, but it does get hard to come up with each year's costumes!  It's usually pretty difficult for people to guess what we are as well, and by the end of the night they usually get it, but it's not your run of the mill couple's costumes.  

Can you guess what we were this year?

Halloween 2012

Sorry the picture isn't very clear - I have on handcuffs, the things on my arms are tattoos, and I'm wearing an orange jumpsuit.  Sam is, very obviously, a stop light.  What you can't see is that the green light is lit up...

Hint:  I am first in this combo, and it's something significant to us.  Together, we are one word.  

I will tell you the answer at the bottom of the post :)  Meanwhile...

A little adoption update!  Since I posted last, we gained a lot more information about how our referral process is going to happen.  In case it's not very clear, a referral is the child/ren we are going to be matched up with, will proceed adopting, and one day bring home.  We were originally under the impression that we would be sent a picture and medical information for the children we were being matched with.  I had this beautiful idea of one day, receiving an email from our agency, and opening it up with Sam to see the first glimpse of our future children.  It was a moment I pictured a lot, and hoped would come soon.  When I wrote our last post, I was still under the impression this is how our referral would come to us, and was ecstatic it was going to be so soon!  

Shortly after writing that post (I blame myself for jinxing us by even writing it in a post), we got a little clarification.  Once they received our dossier (our entire file of paperwork to send to the country), we would go on a waiting list for a referral.  What waiting list we go on is determined by what our child preference is.  For example, if we wanted a baby girl, we would go a waiting list for a baby girl.  There are families who have been waiting 8 months for a baby, and continue to wait because most families want a baby.  There are waiting lists for all children ages 3 and younger.  So, since we have asked for a sibling group of 2 children, ages 7 and younger, with no gender preference, we go on a waiting list for that criteria.  

Good news is, we are the only family in that category.  We are the only family willing to take a child 5 and older.  We are the only family who wants a sibling group or more than one child older that 5 years old.  So, ideally, we would get a referral right away for a sibling group of 2 in our age bracket.  

Except...there are no sibling groups of 2 in our age bracket.  There are sibling groups, but not in our age bracket.  And since there are families waiting for younger sibling groups, we are behind those families if we want younger children.  

In my mind, I had kind of always pictured bringing home a toddler and a 5 or 6 year old.  I love, love, love toddlers.  So, my little mommy brain pictured this adorable little scenario.  When it became clear to us that we would very likely not be bringing home a toddler, I had to re-frame how I was picturing this to play out.  I wasn't upset about this change, but I would be dishonest to say I wasn't a little disappointed.  To be VERY clear, I am NOT disappointed about bringing home an older child.  I am only wishing I could do both.  

Now, we could wait for a sibling group that fits my little mommy brain scenario.  If a sibling group with a toddler and a child age 5 or older were to come into the orphanage, we would be the first family waiting for them. So, there's still a chance we could do that...

But then there's the alternative.  Since there are no sibling groups in our age group, we can choose from the other waiting children in the orphanage.  These waiting children are children either other families have said no to, or are children who are "too old" for other families to even consider or look at (age 5 and older is considered "too old" in this case).  So, we were given a list of roughly 15 children who are waiting for families.  How long each has been waiting varies, but one thing remains the same - they will all likely be waiting a very long time.  To give you a rough idea, here are the basics of who is on that list:

Sibling groups:

Girl age 12, Boy age 10

Boy age 11, Boy age 7

Boy age 8, Boy age 6, Boy age 5

Girl age 8, Girl age 6, Boy age 4

Single waiting children:

Girl age 9

Girl age 5 approximately

Girl age 4

Boy age 5 approximately

Boy age 5 approximately

Boy age 6 approximately

Boy age 7

We have the option of choosing from this list (either choosing a sibling group, or choosing two unrelated children to adopt), or waiting for a sibling group to come into the orphanage who fits that scenario above (toddler and older child).  

Some have told us to wait for that "ideal" little scenario.  Wait as long as it takes, no matter what.  

That is an option...but, that also doesn't fit another ideal scenario I've had in my head all along, and that's that we are traveling to go get our children next summer.  If we wait for that referral, the 6 months of waiting after that is going to be that much farther away.  Now, truthfully in the scheme of things, waiting an additional 2-3 months isn't really that big of a deal.  But what if it takes longer than that?  We're not interested in a 2 year adoption plan.  

The other thing that's not being considered with that option, is that while we're waiting for our picture-perfect little family to come along, those 15 children are waiting for families.  That doesn't make sense to me...why would be both be waiting??  I'm waiting to hold a child who needs held, to kiss children goodnight, and tell them over and over again how much I, their Daddy, and God loves them.  I long for that.....much more than I long for a toddler.  There are 15 beautiful children waiting at that orphanage, waiting to be held, waiting to be told God loves them, and waiting for that wonderful day they are pulled aside, shown a picture of a red haired mom and a dark-haired dad, and told a family has finally chose them.  That is what I want most.  

We went into this wanting to target those waiting children.  We chose to be open to special needs, older children, more than one, all because these were the children who wait and wait for families while the other children are chosen and going home all around them.  Were you ever the last one chosen for the baseball team??  Imagine not only being told you aren't good enough for a team, but you aren't a good enough child to be loved and part of a family...

These children don't deserve to sit and wait, feeling inadequate and unloved.  They've already been abandoned once, they need reassurance, not continued abandonment.  We did not go into this to find to "perfect" children.  If we wanted perfect, we would choose baby Jesus.  Last I checked, He isn't up for adoption...

So, to make a long story short (haha, yea right), we are still waiting for a government form, giving us the golden ticket to be able to adopt.  This should come back in 5-7 weeks.  In that time, we are waiting, praying, and evaluating which children we want.  If additional children come in who don't have families waiting for them, we will be notified and they will be added to the waiting children list we are choosing from. There will be another post on the agonizing journey of "choosing" our children...but for now, that's our update.  Sorry for the premature last post expecting to know who our children are by now...I know, I know..our hope was let down too.  :)

So, back to Halloween...

Got any guesses?  

I am a Convict, and Sam is a Green light.  

Aka Con and Go.....

CONGO  :)

We thought it was appropriate, and perhaps a little corny, but that's alright with us :)

One Step Closer!

So, not a lot has happened here in the past 2 weeks.  We hit a lull, and have quickly realized what the next 6-8 months are going to feel like!
I'll back up a bit...

After completing our last homestudy visit on September 6th, we quickly compiled the rest of our Dossier paperwork.  Apparently, the Congo dossier is extremely simple, and it didn't take long before we had everything we needed:
1. Certified copies of each of our birth certificates and our marriage license.  We got these about 6 weeks ago, knowing we would need them and this is something we could work on getting ahead of time.
2. Copies of passports.  Simple trip to the copy store and this was done.
3. A passport size photo of each of us.  We got an extra passport photo from when we got our passport in May for Haiti.  Pulled them out of the file and that's done.
4. State Criminal Clearances.  This we would have had to wait for but we asked our homestudy social worker if we could just have her copies when she was done with them and she happily obliged!  This saved us a lot of time, and we received them in the mail from her - pretty simple!
5. Medical Letter on doctor letterhead.  This was a bit tricky.  We had worked ahead on this one as well, but then realized there was a very specific template that needed to be signed by the doctors.  So, the ones we got previously signed were not ones we could use.  (I suppose working ahead isn't always a benefit when you don't have all the information you need).  It was fine though that we had to get them redone because Sam's doctor had signed a template with the "Enter patient's name here" and "Patient's Date of Birth" still in the letter - the things he was supposed to take out to personalize the letter were still very much in there...haha,I told Sam next time to just ask him to sign a paper saying he would give away all of his money or something!  My doctor was the bigger issue, because in the letter it stated, "Laura is free of all communicable diseases.  Tests for HIV and Tuberculosis were negative..."  My doctor wouldn't sign it unless I were actually tested for HIV and Tuberculosis.  Luckily our local Public Health could do these tests for under $30 instead of the $500 it was going to cost me at my doctor's office!  So, I feel I should announce...I do not have Tuberculosis or HIV :)
6.  Copy of State Adoption Laws.  Our agency already had them for Iowa, so that was taken care of for us.
7. Two letters we had to sign and get notarized.  One stated we would maintain contact with our children's biological family if we were asked to, and the other stated that at least one of us would travel to the Congo to pick up our children.  This was simple besides the first notary didn't stamp it, claiming she didn't have to.  We just took it to another notary since it was obvious she was pretty convinced she didn't have to stamp it.

So that's it - for the past 3 weeks, we have had all of our paperwork completed, and were just waiting for our homestudy report to be completed.  We also got some projects done around the house, so we didn't have a lot to focus on with the adoption...

And boy was it ever agonizing!  I really cannot complain - our process has gone very quickly so far.  We started in July, and didn't start any of the paperwork until August.  That's only 2 months, some people spend 6 or more just getting everything in order!  And then spend the next 2 years waiting to go get their child!  I'm extremely grateful we chose the Congo, I do not have the patience for a 2 year adoption plan!!  I want my kiddos NOW!!!  :)

So the good news is....last night we got the draft of our homestudy!  We reviewed it to let her know of any changes that needed to be made, and then she sent it on to our agency to be proofread.  Once the agency reviews it and makes sure it meets all requirements, she can get our 3 copies notarized and we will be set to send in all of our paperwork!  Which means most likely by the end of this week....


WE ARE READY FOR A REFERRAL!!!!!


We cannot believe that we could potentially know who are children are going to be by Friday.  That would be extremely quick, but from what our social worker at the agency has said, there are waiting children and we shouldn't have to wait for a referral since we are willing to accept older children, special needs, siblings...I pray she's right and we will know soon, because I really really need to see my babies faces.

There is of course two sides to that...There is ONE form left that cannot be completed right away.  It is the US Government form I-600A, which is the golden seal that will approve us for adoption.  If we don't have that, we cannot adopt.  The problem is, we can't send that form in to start that process until we have our homestudy.  So, once we get our homestudy report by Wednesday or Thursday this week, we can mail in that form.  It takes 5-7 weeks to come back to us, which is okay with our agency.  But that means we cannot start any of the in-country processes to get this adoption finalized any quicker until that form gets turned in.  So, we will KNOW who our children are, but will be WAITING that much longer to go get them.  They said it takes an average of 6 months from the time the in-country court processes start to when we can travel to go get our children, so if we can't start the in-country processes until December, that's June before we can travel.  There is always a chance the processes will slow down at any time with no warning, so it's not that predictable, but that's the way the timeframe is currently looking...

Now, again, I'm not complaining.  In the scheme of adoption - that's still incredibly fast!  We could be done start to finish in 10 months...That's really really fast.  But in the scheme of my mind and my longing to hold my children, it's really slow :)  However, people do it all the time with pregnancy, so we can do it too!  :)

So, we just wanted to share this little piece of encouraging hope!!  We could know who our kids are very soon!  We cannot post pictures of them online anywhere because of child trafficking, but you will all know when we get a referral!!  :)  Keep up the prayers!

A Heartbreaking Reminder

This is Josie.  Josie was born in January 2012 into a very loving family in Haiti.  Only a few months after she was born, her mother got very sick and sadly, died.  Her father tried to take care of Josie by himself, but he was very fearful Josie would also become very sick and need medical care he couldn't afford or provide.  Josie screamed for hours and hours, and was inconsolable - he didn't know else to do.  So he made the heartbreaking decision to take her to the orphanage.  As a parent, he couldn't allow her to die without the medical attention she needed, and there was no other alternative.  When she got to the orphanage, the pediatrician noticed she was having seizures.  She also had other medical issues, but it couldn't quite be determined what was going on with baby Josie.

Josie was the first baby I held when we arrived at the orphanage in Haiti.  She needed help holding up her head, but otherwise seemed fine.  Throughout the week we were there, she was a very typical baby.  She watched everything and everyone around her with bright wide eyes and smiles.  The day we left Haiti, Josie was having trouble breathing.  We learned later that this was the start of a lot of sickness for Josie.  She developed pneumonia three times over the last 3 months.  She spent a lot of time with one-on-one nanny attention and eventually got to return to the regular baby room.  She was eating well, and growing both physically and developmentally.  She was even trying to imitate sounds and words!

Last weekend, Josie died.  She was playing and smiling on Thursday, and on Saturday night she couldn't breathe.  She was rushed to the hospital nearest the orphanage, but they weren't equipped to help her.  She was put on oxygen and transported to a second hospital, but passed upon reaching the second hospital.
Josie was very, very much loved and adored by the nannies and staff at the orphanage.  She received constant care, and her medical needs were always attended to.  While it was unclear what was causing her seizures, or what was causing her to grow so sick so suddenly, she was cared for to the very best of everyone's abilities in Haiti.  I have absolutely no doubt of any of this.

We will never know, but I am willing to bet that the resources here in America could have helped save Josie.  She was just 9 months old, and never should have had to go through those 9 months without the medicine she needed, or the therapies to help her little lungs.  Haiti is the world's poorest country, and it's impossible for me to imagine the medical attention she had access to there is equivalent to what she could have accessed here.
Having said that little boast of confidence for America, I feel we as Americans have so much to learn.  We may be richer than Haiti, but we are poor in a lot of areas.  God gives us so much, what are we doing with it?  The love Josie received in Haiti could not be matched here, because there she had unrelated caregivers willing to snuggle her in at night, make her laugh during the day, and hold her sweet little hand throughout the night while she lay in a hospital bed trying to fight for her life.  We weren't there, but those nannies and doctors were.  They have so little, but give and give of themselves every day.  I know she was well cared for.  But it breaks my heart to know that had Josie been adopted, she may still be alive.

Some may say, Josie is just one baby.  She is just one orphan.  Thousands of children died today.  But Josie is Jesus' child - Jesus' precious daughter.  And so are every, single, one of those orphans out there.  She is just one tiny example of the thousands of children who die EVERY HOUR of starvation and sickness.  Every one of those are God's children, and He calls us to do something about it.  There are over 2.7 Billion professed Christians in the world.  If only 8% of those adopted just ONE child - just one....there would be no more orphans.  NO MORE ORPHANS.  
I may have mentioned that statistic before, and forewarning - I will probably mention it again.   Because it is so incredibly baffling to me that there IS HOPE - that is just not that many people who have to adopt before there are no more orphans.  Yes, future generations would have to keep up that adoption rate for this to remain true, but the example starts here.  

If you have ever felt called to adopt, please please pray that God will use you, and open your hearts to this calling.  God says it right in His word - we are instructed to care for the orphans.  There are many ways to care for the orphans...but if you feel called to bring one home and call your son or daughter, please follow that little voice inside of you.  I have so much information I can give you about domestic or international adoption - just ask.  It can seem like a daunting and lengthy process but I promise you, God's callings are not always pain free.  However, the end goal is a beautiful gift from Him, and you would never ever regret it.

My heart aches for Josie's sweet father who has lost his wife and now his baby daughter.  My heart rejoices that Josie is with Jesus now, sleeping in His arms completely healthy.  Then my heart aches again for all the orphans left in this world with no home, no family, and such little resources to help meet their needs.  Some children literally only eat 1 meal every other day.  1 meal every 48 hours...  We have enough to overeat at every single meal.  Don't let that guilt you're feeling make you go into a hole and pretend the problem is bigger than you and that you can't make a difference.   Together all of us can make a difference.  Please pray for anything you feel moved to pray for.  Then listen to what God is asking you to do with this information.  I'm a stubborn listener sometimes, and I allow my own feelings of selfishness and feelings that I deserve more to cloud my vision.  I know the sinner that I am, and I'm so very thankful for the grace Jesus gives me, and the many opportunities I have to see my sin and recognize the need to do more.  Josie is one of them.

The Humbling Position we Find Ourselves In

When Sam and I made the decision that I would not be going back to school, we realized we had some savings built up that was intended to be used as a cushion for incidentals during school (i.e. moving expenses, Sam not finding a job right away, our house not selling, paying for 2 mortgages, etc.).  Since it wasn't going to be used for school, it seemed perfect to use as a start to pay for the many adoption costs. 

Up until now, we haven't discussed the costs very much.  Each country is a little different, but on average, to adopt one child internationally is $30,000.  Now before you let this number scare you and cause you to never consider adoption again, let us tell you about a few options. 

First, doing some agency shopping helps this number to go up or down.  Some agencies are more expensive, while others keep their fees on the more conservative side. 
Second, it is important to do some research on what this money is going towards.  A lot of agencies use some of the fees to go towards the orphanage your child is staying in, and puts a lot of focus on giving back.  We felt this was important, as this is something we too would like to do but lack the connections to do so independently. 
Third, there are a lot of scholarships and grants available to adoptive parents.  Depending on the level of special needs you're willing to adopt, whether you're adopting siblings or not, whether you're adopting older children, etc., there are grants available from various organizations specific to those types of children.  For example, if an organization feels strongly towards advocating for adoption of children with Down's Syndrome, they offer grants to families adopting a child with Down's.  This takes some research, but is well worth it when you're talking about a small home's worth of costs. 
Fourth, there is an adoption tax credit.  The year you bring your child/ren home, you get a tax credit for roughly $13,000.  This will help tremendously to pay back some fees you've already had to pay for, or help with the initial costs of bringing children home (plane tickets, for one example). 
Fifth, and this is the humbling position this post is labeled after, there's fundraising. 

Fundraising is a very uncomfortable position to be in.  Rarely is it a pleasant experience to ask for money, and it almost always results in guilty and unworthy feelings.  After doing some calculations, Sam and I concluded we would have to come up with the extra money needed for this adoption somewhere, and some friends who are familiar with adoption suggested fundraising.  We had already started making sacrifices to save money for our adoption, such as not going out to eat, out to movies, not making unnecessary trips into town, and no extra spending in general.  We don't need new clothes, shoes, etc.  And we certainly have a lot of food in our cupboards that need eaten before we go buy more.  However, even with the extra money we are able to save each month by cutting out these small extras, we came to the uncomfortable decision to try fundraising. 

Sam's dear sister, Calley, graciously agreed to be our Fundraising Coordinator and help us with this feat.  We listed out ideas, and came up with some pretty creative ones.  We won't do them all, but with the prospect of some fun activities, it became a tiny bit less uncomfortable...a tiny bit.  We are humbled by the number of people who have already offered to help.  You know who you are, and we cannot express how appreciative we are for not only your emotional support, but your financial support.  Fundraising for yourself is a very difficult thing to do, especially when this was a decision WE made to adopt.  It wasn't anyone else's decision, how could we possibly ask others to help us with it?  It leaves you feeling very selfish, unworthy, and greedy.  I can only hope these feelings go away, because we are realistically left with little options outside of fundraising.

Our first fundraiser has come and gone, and while I had every intention of posting before it happened, we were too busy getting it ready to go.  This one had a dual purpose.  Since Haiti, we've felt pretty strongly against "stuff".  People all over the world live with less items total in their possession than we have in one room of our house.  Their "house" consists of a tarp to serve as a roof, and dirt to serve as a bed.  We value stuff way too much in America, and it quickly consumes our thoughts, money, and homes.  In an effort to downsize, we decided to have a yard sale fundraiser.  We mentioned to family and friends that if there was anything they wanted to get rid of, we would take them as donations to sell at the yard sale.  We imagined we would get some extra stuff, but we never quite imagined what God had in mind!!

Donations came pouring in, from both family members and friends, and we were shocked at how much stuff we had for this sale!  You'll see from the pictures below how incredibly large this sale was.  Calley donated most of her house it appeared, with clothes her kids had outgrown, toys her kids went through and picked out to sell (so sweet!), household items, baby items...You name it - She brought it!  We also received generous donations from several other family members and friends, including Kristi and Dana, Cathy and Rex, Dale and Geneva, Rachel, Angie, my Aunts and Grandparents, James Potter (Sam's boss), Amanda Nash (my coworker and friend), Kristi's neighbors, and Mesha and Steven (friends who just moved to Clear Lake).  Even my niece Reignah pulled out a couple of books, stating "These are so you can buy your kids!"  Haha!  In an effort to assure people we are in fact NOT involved with child trafficking, please know we are not buying our children, contrary to a 4 year old's perspective.  :)

With all of these wonderful donations came hours upon hours of sorting, labeling, pricing, and cleaning of items.  Thankfully Dana and Kristi (Sam's brother-in-law and sister) agreed to let us use their 3 stall garage!! We can in all honesty say, we NEVER could have done this yard sale without their garage and driveway.  We would have lined the streets at another residence, and while I'm sure they were very ready for their garage back, they were so extremely generous in letting us take it over for 3 weeks!  Even with all of that space, we quickly accumulated more things than we had space to sort.  So, each night, we'd pull out all the big items into the driveway so we'd have some walk space to sort the clothes, toys, shoes, and household items.  Then we'd pull them all back in each night.  Sam's sisters Calley and Kristi spent SO SO many hours helping us get ready for this garage sale, and we again, could NEVER have done this without them!!  We could shout THANK YOU from the top of  mountain and it wouldn't be enough to repay them for their generosity and dedication to helping us with this sale.  Each night the entire week before the sale, we were out working until at least 1:00 AM to get everything ready to go.  The last night, while Nikki (Sam's sister) diligently made signs to hang up around town, we completed the finishing touches.  I think we finally went to bed around 2 AM, only to be up 4 hours later to pull everything out for an 8:00 start!  Exhaustion was a common feeling by the end of the week, but I would do it all over again if I had realized the magnitude of God's love for His children and the ways he would show it through this event!

One side of the garage - kids clothes and shoes

Back of garage - electronics and accessories

Other side of garage - toys and household items

Right outside of the garage - the start of the big items

Down the driveway - both sides were lined with big items!

Coming up the driveway - there are things everywhere!

We absolutely never could have anticipated the outcome of this sale!!  Not only did we get rid of 75% of what you see in these pictures, but we met wonderful adoptive families and extremely supportive fellow community members!  Monetarily, a little math is needed to realize the impact of this sale.  Not only was this sale profitable, but it covered, to the dollar, the fees we have already had to pay.

$3,200 for agency fees, $250 application fee, $200 processing fee = $3,650 fees we've paid to date
$36 for newspaper ads, $14 for posterboard and markers = $50 expenses for garage sale
Garage sale profits = $3,700

Only HIS work...

The thought of fundraising leaves you feeling selfish.  Actually raising funds leaves you with an overwhelming feeling of humility.  The hours spent, the donations given, and the outcome this had brings me to tears.   Our children are so incredibly loved already, and I am one proud and amazed Mama.  I should never be amazed by the stunning and unexpected outcomes our God produces - He is a mighty and amazing God.  But I also hope I'm never so expectant that I miss this feeling of pure awe in Him...

We cannot say enough thanks to all of those who supported this event.  For those who donated items - THANK YOU!  For those who donated time - THANK YOU!  And for those who purchased items, gave donations, and provided a smile of support - THANK YOU THANK YOU!  

I hope this reaches some of you who came to the sale Labor Day weekend.  We handed out "thank you" cards to everyone who came, explaining a little about our adoption, and inviting them to this blog.  We hope they have come to share in this journey with us - your prayers and ongoing emotional support for our 2 beautiful orphans, and all the orphans of the world are invaluable!  

As you can see to the right, Sam and I have set a fundraising goal of $10,000.  We are scrimping and saving everything we can to come up with the additional $20,000 that's left for this adoption.  We want our kids home, and if that's what it takes - so be it!  After all, these expenses are going towards the investigations in the country to make sure our children are "true orphans" and there isn't a birth parent or birth family able to raise them (after all - staying in their culture and country is the first choice).  The money is also going towards our wonderful agency who is helping us every step of the way.  The remaining is simply travel costs.  Our round trip plane tickets will be around $4,000, and since we are likely bringing home children over 2 years old, we will have each of their one-way plane tickets as well to bring them home.  We will be in the country for 1-2 weeks, so there are added expenses there.  Long-story short (yeah right - as if I can ever tell a short story! ha!), we have to do more fundraising.  :(  

We will continue to post about upcoming fundraisers for anyone who is interested.  For now, our next fundraiser will be an ongoing one.  As you can see below - we are selling adoption t-shirts.  This also has a dual purpose, as advocating for orphans has become a strong passion of ours.  There are 147 MILLION orphans in the world.  There are 2.7 Billion professed Christians in the world.  If only 8% of those Christians adopted, THERE WOULD BE NO MORE ORPHANS.  

That equates to roughly one family in every church.  One family.  We want to bring awareness to these children, and we want to encourage and love and pray for anyone who can support adoption in any form.  Perhaps you have also considered adoption.  Perhaps you want to financially support an adoptive family.  Perhaps you can offer daily prayers for the orphans of the world.  Every bit of help is needed and a blessing!

If you are one of those families who has considered adoption, please contact us.  We had NO idea what to do when we started, and we were literally going on nothing besides faith.  If we can adopt - anybody can adopt.  And if it feels daunting, look at it this way.  In 2 years from now, we will know nothing different.  Our children will be ours...They will be in our home, and they will be ours to hug and kiss and tell bedtime stories to.  We will spend many days playing at the park, and baking cookies, and having water fights outside.  We will get to sing Christmas carols together, and snuggle in for movie night.  We will get to praise God, every day, for the blessings He has given, and together with our children, we will say daily prayers for the orphans who still need homes.  This will be our reality, and the details between now and then are only details.  For it is all God's plan, and He will provide for anybody wanting to adopt.  He has a plan for each one of His orphaned children, and that plan could involve you.  As our shirts say, Will You Save One?

Even if you personally cannot bring an orphan into your home, you can wear this shirt and advocate for these orphans.  Because for every person who sees your shirt, that could be the one person God intended to reach that day with His message to adopt.  What a beautiful impact you could have!  

Adoption T-Shirts!!

NOW ON SALE FOR $15 EACH!

Black t-shirts, either v-neck or regular collar, in sizes Adult S-XL.  You can order by paying securely with paypal (button on the right), and either put in the comments what size and collar type you want, or you can contact us directly and let us know what sizes you would like.  We have all of the shirts, and will mail them directly to you once you order!

The image above was designed by Laura and I to try and capture the enormity of so many children in Africa who have no home and no one to take them in, as well as to help others find the courage and willingness to adopt.  The shape of Africa is made up of lots of children names in order to show this (even though a few hundred names or so hardly captures what millions would look like).  It also has the statement/question, "Over 50 Millions Orphans, Will You Save One?" to help inspire others to step out of their comfort zone and help those in need.  The last highlighted portion is Matthew 18:5 which is Jesus saying "And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."

We hope you all like them as well as their message.  If you are able and willing to support our cause, please purchase one and know that you are helping us to be able to realize our dream of having those two wonderful kids home with us!

Prayers and Tears

When we started our application for One World, we came across the section, "Child Preference Form". This form is the motivation behind the title of this post, because it caused us a lot of tears and a lot of prayers.

Some adoptive families have very specific preferences for the child they want to adopt. Most of the time, it is a healthy infant, usually of a specific gender. People like being able to pick their children when it comes to adoption, as the statistics show. The children who are less adoptable are older than 2 years old, sibling groups, and any degree of special needs. These labels are like plagues to children waiting for families. It's a sad day when a child turns 2 in the orphanage - their chances of getting adopted drops considerably. Each passing year brings lower and lower chances of being adopted. Sad huh?

Since we aren't the majority parents who want a healthy infant, we were faced with decisions on this Child Preference form. The possible answers to all questions were yes, no, or would consider. Yes meaning we want a child of that specific characteristic, No we definitely do not want a child with that characteristic, or we would consider a child with that characteristic. It started off with gender, then age, then sibling groups. Then it got to the list of special needs.

This list ranged from a lisp to Down's Syndrome/Mental Retardation. There were roughly 30 special needs or diseases we had to go through and state whether we would consider a child with that diagnosis, or turn away from a child with that diagnosis. There are A LOT of differences between parents of biological children and parents of adoptive children. First, biological parents never have to fill out a questionnaire about their parenting style or their strengths and weaknesses. Second, biological parents don't have a say in what their child is born with. Since adoptive parents have to go through a lengthy interview process to be deemed good enough to adopt, on the other hand they have the "luxury" of choosing their children right?

Ugh...yes. We have the "luxury" of choosing our children. But we don't want to choose our children!! We don't want the perfect child, because no child is perfect. How can we, privileged white people in America, look at a child and say with our noses in the air, "No, you're not good enough for our family"?? We can't and we don't want to! We want the "damaged", the ones who are pushed away by other families, who have lost hope because nobody chooses them. Going through that list, trying to be realistic but finding it impossible to feel okay with judging these children we've never met with a diagnosis they never asked for, was by far the hardest thing we have had to do with this adoption. I realize there is a long road ahead of us, but the impact this list had on us was unforgettable.

We tried to go through it - twice. We got a little farther, but both times ended in a lot of prayer about what God wanted us to do. Should we mark "would consider" for every disability and have faith God will give us what child we're meant to have - no matter the challenge? This is what giving birth is like, right? Or do we look at it realistically, knowing our own limitations? For example, we both have to be able to keep working. Our health insurance is through my work, and Sam can't get it through his. Sam's job is the main income for the family. Our house isn't wheelchair accessible. We aren't bringing home a baby with a disability with time to adjust and modify our home as that child grows. We are bringing home a child who could be old enough to already be too heavy to lift. But...if God gave us a child who had needs such as these, He would also have a plan for us to get through those details as well. See the dilemma?

Well, we decided to put "would consider" on all but 5 special needs on that list. We are saying yes to nearly everything, but still feel some shame in saying no to some. We said no to diseases that would be highly contagious for the other children in our family, and we said no to severe physical special needs. Thankfully, we have the ability to talk to our social worker and explain in further detail what degree of special needs we are comfortable with - mild and moderate, but that we are unprepared for more severe special needs, and do not feel equipped to care for a child who requires total physical care. We also work with a wonderful agency and social worker who can discuss in detail with us the children they have available so we can be a part of that decision process before being given a formal referral. I pray this doesn't show a lack of faith in God to give us what we can handle, but I also believe God is not limited by a Child Preference form. If we're meant to have a child with more involved special needs, He's going to make it happen - our answers aren't going to stop Him.

Even with that list out of our hands, we continue to pray God presents the children we're meant to bring home to our family, no matter what they look like, act like, or are diagnosed with.

Agencies, Decisions, Paperwork....Oh my!!

So, in case I didn't mention it already, the general process for adoption decisions goes as follows:

1. Choose a country.
2. Choose an agency.
3. Decide what type of child you want.
4. Find a homestudy provider.
5. Start the paperwork.

We kind of went out of order, but these 5 steps are quite involved. You all know this already, but we decided to adopt from the Democratic Republic of Congo, then we decided to adopt 2 children, then we had to decide on an agency.

Finding THE agency you're going to work hand in hand with throughout this entire process is a daunting task. Not because there are so many bad agencies and you can't feel confident - there are many, many great and caring agencies out there. The problem is, there aren't always a lot of consistencies between agencies. First of all, not every agency works with every country, so you have to narrow down the agencies who work directly with your chosen country. Once you get that narrowed down, then you can start your real research with each agency. Here's what I found in researching agencies.

*Each has their own set of agency requirements - outside of the country requirements - for example, some require you to be a Christian, some have a policy against getting pregnant when you're adopting, and some don't have any additional requirements at all.
*Each has their own set of fees and estimated total costs for adoption.
*Each has their own idea of the time frame you can expect when adopting through them.
*Each has their own way of handling customer service - some hold your hand, some give you the info and it's up to you to figure it out.
*Each has a different program in your chosen country - some are just starting out, some have been around longer, etc.

I shouldn't say "each" because not every agency was all that different from the next, but it was important to find out all of those above details to know exactly what the agency expected of you and what you can expect from them. I supppose some people don't worry a lot about the agency they choose, but since this is our first time adopting, and the Congo is a relatively new adoption country, we wanted to be confident in at least our agency. So much of international adoption is subject to change, and there is a degree of unpredictability in any stage of the process, so at least we can find a stable agency.

After a lot of research (anybody noticing a trend with me? Goodness, I annoy even myself), we decided to hire One World Adoption Services for our adoption agency. They are based out of Georgia, which is fine - it just means we have to find an Iowa homestudy provider to do our homestudy, adoption education, and post-placement visits. We chose One World for the following reasons:
1. They were the first agency to start adoptions in the Congo 4 years ago, and have had families traveling back to back this year to get their children. Every other agency (with the exception of MLJ Adoptions) is just now starting so we would have been a part of a pilot program - 1 of 10 families being pioneers for that agency's work in that country. That would have been fine, but again - first adoption, we wanted a little more stability.
2. Their time frame was listed as quick as 9 months, on up to 18 months. This didn't vary too much from agency to agency, but One World actually knew that time frame from experience of 4 years worth of adoptions, as opposed to guessing because it's a pilot program like other agencies.
3. They own and operate their own orphanage in the Congo, so they have complete control over the children's care, and how the orphanage is ran in country. This also allows us a little more knowledge of our children than a government run orphanage. This does however, eliminate some of the "rescuing" of children who are in those extremely horrific conditions in an orphanage, so I'd actually choose to adopt from a government run orphanage, but this agency was by far our first choice, so this comes along with it.
4. Their fees were roughly $15,000 cheaper than all other agencies. Since they own the orphanage, their fees are lower and they as an agency just have conservative agency fees, bringing the costs down. Also, since it's not a pilot program, they know what their costs are and aren't facing unexpected costs in country or other things that cause the costs to go up.
4. They did NOT have a policy against getting pregnant during the adoption process. Now, the reason most agencies have a policy against this and will stop your adoption if you get pregnant is because they know you need time to adjust and bond with your biological child, and would be unable to give the adopted child your full attention and bonding period with a new baby. I completely understand and agree with this - people should not be trying to have a baby and bring home an adopted child at the same time. But, what about those situations where a pregnancy is trying to be prevented and the 1% happens and you get pregnant? This is Sam and I - we are trying to prevent pregnancy, but if that happens and we are forced to stop our adoption, that would be devastating. I do not want to lose a child to gain a child. Not to mention the non-refundable money you've already put towards the adoption. I do not want to risk feeling resentment that I'm pregnant, and I do not want to mourn for children we were matched up with but had to let go because of the agency policy. Again, totally agree with the policy in cases where people are wanting to super-grow their family in a short amount of time. Each child needs you individually. I just didn't want to take this risk.
5. After speaking with Terri, our social worker from One World, and asking her all of my questions, I knew she was a wonderful person who would be great to work with throughout our adoption. It is important to feel good about the person you'll be working closest with. The agency might look great, but if you can't share in the excitements and sorrows of your adoption right along with your social worker, you'll be missing an important personal piece.
6. I asked the agency for a list of references, and emailed every single one of them. All 6 I got back were raving reviews for One World, with two of them having adopted from the Congo, so I could talk to two families who had recently been through the same process we were about to go through.
7. The final way I knew we were on the right track... One day, I was looking at the website for the orphanage we went to in Haiti, mourning for those children we loved on so dearly for 8 days, and I came across the list of agencies who do adoptions through that orphanage. Out of the 6 listed there, and after all of the time I spent looking at adoption agency lists, the only one I recognized was One World Adoptions. Our agency was one of 6 agencies who adopt children out from the very orphanage we visited in Port au Prince, where there are many many orphanages. I just thought that was pretty cool.


So, tonight we completed our application for One World Adoptions!!! We also paid our first official adoption fee, so it's safe to say we're officially committed. If only all the fees were only $250, haha!! We are also well into the rest of the paperwork for our homestudy, so that's underway too! We should have our first homestudy appointment next week, so now it's time to clean, organize, and sort to get ready for that. The house doesn't have to be perfect, nor do the kids' room have to be ready to go, so just some deep cleaning and organizing is in order before our first visit. Tiny steps, tiny steps. They don't seem to add up to much all at once, but to our sweet children waiting for us, that's one tiny step closer!

Add 2 More, and Burlesons Become 4!

During our dicussions about which country to adopt from, we were also discussing whether or not to open ourselves up to sibling groups. Sibling groups are difficult to adopt out because most people don't want to take on more than one child at a time. So, we concluded, we are adopting two children. This might come as a shock to some, I think it did to me at first!

For those of you who don't know Sam very well, I'd like to do a little explaining. The power of God has been shown in many magnificent ways...and in our small lives, this is one of them! In our conversations about children pre-Haiti, Sam would usually make some comment about how uncomfortable talking about kids made him, accompanied by a gagging motion, and finished off with "We're only having two!" Anyone around for these conversations can attest to that, which actually happened frequently because our brother-in-law Dana used any opportunity to remind us it was time for children, and as he would put it "You're not getting any younger!" :) All in good fun of course! Since Dana's been pushing for kids for at least 2 years now, that's a lot of gagging :)

Another frequent conclusion of Sam's was that we were NEVER having girls. It just wasn't in his genes. His original theory was that the Burleson family only had children according to what gender the Burleson parent was. (We all laugh at this because this theory has been disproven three times now). To be fair, when he made this theory, Kristi had 3 girls, and Brian only had a boy. However...Calley has always had a boy, so that right there might have been a clue he's not onto something, but I love my husband for his big ideas. Since then, Kristi had a son and Brian had a daughter, so the theory would logically be disproven...

So the theory shifted from "We won't have girls because that's just not how my family works" to "We won't have girls because WE just won't have girls!" He clearly wasn't letting the "no daughters" policy go. I'm not sure of his reasoning, but I think girls scare him :) We're emotional and complicated. Sounds scary enough. I didn't have the heart to tell him we don't have a lot of control over that, nor that the more times he joked about it, the more girls we would probably end up with - God has a sense of humor too :)

SO to sum up, no more than 2 children, and NO girls.

I'll keep saying it, Haiti changed everything.
The way God works in us is truly indescribable.


Post-Haiti: Sam wants to adopt two children. He's also said the words "...next time we adopt..." :) I love my husband for being open to God's plan and not his own!

So...why two children? Simply put, we figure why rescue just one from potential death (because in the Congo that's what they face - 50% death rate for children under 5), when we can rescue two? Also, there were a few reasons we've decided not just to say we're open to a sibling group, but to request a sibling group. First, siblings deserve to be kept together...and most countries recognize that - they will not adopt siblings out separately because they know how important this is. But there's a catch 22 with this...siblings are being overlooked because they're siblings. They don't deserve to have to wait many years for a family to want them just because there's two, or three, or four of them. They're being overlooked for something that's in their best interest in the first place. Why does it feel so good to keep them together, only to feel so sad they're not getting adopted? More families should consider this.
Second, when we're bringing children home of a different race into an all-white family, it's going to be crucial for them to have someone they can identify with, and someone who came from their heritage. They will inevitably at some point, or maybe many points, of their lives feel like they're "different". Whether it's because they're black, or because they're adopted, or because they're Congolese. Regardless, we will work very, very hard to teach and praise our children for being different, reminding them that God makes each one of us special. Nobody is the same, and that's a magnificent thing. If we can minimize their feelings of being different in our own home, where they are to be the most loved and most accepted, it will be because they have someone else who looks like them and came from the same mother, country, and culture. The rest will have to fall into place, but they deserve to have someone going through the same thing right along side them.
Some might ask then, if two, why not more? I guess the best answer to this is that we also have to be a little bit realistic. Sam has concluded he would rather have man-on-man defense instead of zone for our first bout at parenting, so no sibling groups of three or more. :) Being first time parents, we will have a lot of adjusting and learning to do. Besides, like Sam says..."next time we adopt..."


I feel one-sided talking only about Sam's pre-Haiti feelings in this post. To clarify, I had pre-Haiti feelings too. I might have been able to talk about having children without gagging, that's true...but I was also transformed through our experience in Haiti. It's humorous to me - the limitations we put on ourselves only to find out God knows us better than we know ourselves. I am talking a lot about Sam's feelings because in this particular area, I think it is especially obvious the changes God can make in a person who's willing to let Him. Sam made the choice to be changed, praying he would become the man God wants him to be. That's the type of surrender I strive for, and Sam has whole-heartedly allowed God to work in him.

Oh, and one last thing....


Did I mention yet that Sam said to me the other night, "I feel like we should consider adopting girls..."