A Heartbreaking Reminder

This is Josie.  Josie was born in January 2012 into a very loving family in Haiti.  Only a few months after she was born, her mother got very sick and sadly, died.  Her father tried to take care of Josie by himself, but he was very fearful Josie would also become very sick and need medical care he couldn't afford or provide.  Josie screamed for hours and hours, and was inconsolable - he didn't know else to do.  So he made the heartbreaking decision to take her to the orphanage.  As a parent, he couldn't allow her to die without the medical attention she needed, and there was no other alternative.  When she got to the orphanage, the pediatrician noticed she was having seizures.  She also had other medical issues, but it couldn't quite be determined what was going on with baby Josie.

Josie was the first baby I held when we arrived at the orphanage in Haiti.  She needed help holding up her head, but otherwise seemed fine.  Throughout the week we were there, she was a very typical baby.  She watched everything and everyone around her with bright wide eyes and smiles.  The day we left Haiti, Josie was having trouble breathing.  We learned later that this was the start of a lot of sickness for Josie.  She developed pneumonia three times over the last 3 months.  She spent a lot of time with one-on-one nanny attention and eventually got to return to the regular baby room.  She was eating well, and growing both physically and developmentally.  She was even trying to imitate sounds and words!

Last weekend, Josie died.  She was playing and smiling on Thursday, and on Saturday night she couldn't breathe.  She was rushed to the hospital nearest the orphanage, but they weren't equipped to help her.  She was put on oxygen and transported to a second hospital, but passed upon reaching the second hospital.
Josie was very, very much loved and adored by the nannies and staff at the orphanage.  She received constant care, and her medical needs were always attended to.  While it was unclear what was causing her seizures, or what was causing her to grow so sick so suddenly, she was cared for to the very best of everyone's abilities in Haiti.  I have absolutely no doubt of any of this.

We will never know, but I am willing to bet that the resources here in America could have helped save Josie.  She was just 9 months old, and never should have had to go through those 9 months without the medicine she needed, or the therapies to help her little lungs.  Haiti is the world's poorest country, and it's impossible for me to imagine the medical attention she had access to there is equivalent to what she could have accessed here.
Having said that little boast of confidence for America, I feel we as Americans have so much to learn.  We may be richer than Haiti, but we are poor in a lot of areas.  God gives us so much, what are we doing with it?  The love Josie received in Haiti could not be matched here, because there she had unrelated caregivers willing to snuggle her in at night, make her laugh during the day, and hold her sweet little hand throughout the night while she lay in a hospital bed trying to fight for her life.  We weren't there, but those nannies and doctors were.  They have so little, but give and give of themselves every day.  I know she was well cared for.  But it breaks my heart to know that had Josie been adopted, she may still be alive.

Some may say, Josie is just one baby.  She is just one orphan.  Thousands of children died today.  But Josie is Jesus' child - Jesus' precious daughter.  And so are every, single, one of those orphans out there.  She is just one tiny example of the thousands of children who die EVERY HOUR of starvation and sickness.  Every one of those are God's children, and He calls us to do something about it.  There are over 2.7 Billion professed Christians in the world.  If only 8% of those adopted just ONE child - just one....there would be no more orphans.  NO MORE ORPHANS.  
I may have mentioned that statistic before, and forewarning - I will probably mention it again.   Because it is so incredibly baffling to me that there IS HOPE - that is just not that many people who have to adopt before there are no more orphans.  Yes, future generations would have to keep up that adoption rate for this to remain true, but the example starts here.  

If you have ever felt called to adopt, please please pray that God will use you, and open your hearts to this calling.  God says it right in His word - we are instructed to care for the orphans.  There are many ways to care for the orphans...but if you feel called to bring one home and call your son or daughter, please follow that little voice inside of you.  I have so much information I can give you about domestic or international adoption - just ask.  It can seem like a daunting and lengthy process but I promise you, God's callings are not always pain free.  However, the end goal is a beautiful gift from Him, and you would never ever regret it.

My heart aches for Josie's sweet father who has lost his wife and now his baby daughter.  My heart rejoices that Josie is with Jesus now, sleeping in His arms completely healthy.  Then my heart aches again for all the orphans left in this world with no home, no family, and such little resources to help meet their needs.  Some children literally only eat 1 meal every other day.  1 meal every 48 hours...  We have enough to overeat at every single meal.  Don't let that guilt you're feeling make you go into a hole and pretend the problem is bigger than you and that you can't make a difference.   Together all of us can make a difference.  Please pray for anything you feel moved to pray for.  Then listen to what God is asking you to do with this information.  I'm a stubborn listener sometimes, and I allow my own feelings of selfishness and feelings that I deserve more to cloud my vision.  I know the sinner that I am, and I'm so very thankful for the grace Jesus gives me, and the many opportunities I have to see my sin and recognize the need to do more.  Josie is one of them.

The Humbling Position we Find Ourselves In

When Sam and I made the decision that I would not be going back to school, we realized we had some savings built up that was intended to be used as a cushion for incidentals during school (i.e. moving expenses, Sam not finding a job right away, our house not selling, paying for 2 mortgages, etc.).  Since it wasn't going to be used for school, it seemed perfect to use as a start to pay for the many adoption costs. 

Up until now, we haven't discussed the costs very much.  Each country is a little different, but on average, to adopt one child internationally is $30,000.  Now before you let this number scare you and cause you to never consider adoption again, let us tell you about a few options. 

First, doing some agency shopping helps this number to go up or down.  Some agencies are more expensive, while others keep their fees on the more conservative side. 
Second, it is important to do some research on what this money is going towards.  A lot of agencies use some of the fees to go towards the orphanage your child is staying in, and puts a lot of focus on giving back.  We felt this was important, as this is something we too would like to do but lack the connections to do so independently. 
Third, there are a lot of scholarships and grants available to adoptive parents.  Depending on the level of special needs you're willing to adopt, whether you're adopting siblings or not, whether you're adopting older children, etc., there are grants available from various organizations specific to those types of children.  For example, if an organization feels strongly towards advocating for adoption of children with Down's Syndrome, they offer grants to families adopting a child with Down's.  This takes some research, but is well worth it when you're talking about a small home's worth of costs. 
Fourth, there is an adoption tax credit.  The year you bring your child/ren home, you get a tax credit for roughly $13,000.  This will help tremendously to pay back some fees you've already had to pay for, or help with the initial costs of bringing children home (plane tickets, for one example). 
Fifth, and this is the humbling position this post is labeled after, there's fundraising. 

Fundraising is a very uncomfortable position to be in.  Rarely is it a pleasant experience to ask for money, and it almost always results in guilty and unworthy feelings.  After doing some calculations, Sam and I concluded we would have to come up with the extra money needed for this adoption somewhere, and some friends who are familiar with adoption suggested fundraising.  We had already started making sacrifices to save money for our adoption, such as not going out to eat, out to movies, not making unnecessary trips into town, and no extra spending in general.  We don't need new clothes, shoes, etc.  And we certainly have a lot of food in our cupboards that need eaten before we go buy more.  However, even with the extra money we are able to save each month by cutting out these small extras, we came to the uncomfortable decision to try fundraising. 

Sam's dear sister, Calley, graciously agreed to be our Fundraising Coordinator and help us with this feat.  We listed out ideas, and came up with some pretty creative ones.  We won't do them all, but with the prospect of some fun activities, it became a tiny bit less uncomfortable...a tiny bit.  We are humbled by the number of people who have already offered to help.  You know who you are, and we cannot express how appreciative we are for not only your emotional support, but your financial support.  Fundraising for yourself is a very difficult thing to do, especially when this was a decision WE made to adopt.  It wasn't anyone else's decision, how could we possibly ask others to help us with it?  It leaves you feeling very selfish, unworthy, and greedy.  I can only hope these feelings go away, because we are realistically left with little options outside of fundraising.

Our first fundraiser has come and gone, and while I had every intention of posting before it happened, we were too busy getting it ready to go.  This one had a dual purpose.  Since Haiti, we've felt pretty strongly against "stuff".  People all over the world live with less items total in their possession than we have in one room of our house.  Their "house" consists of a tarp to serve as a roof, and dirt to serve as a bed.  We value stuff way too much in America, and it quickly consumes our thoughts, money, and homes.  In an effort to downsize, we decided to have a yard sale fundraiser.  We mentioned to family and friends that if there was anything they wanted to get rid of, we would take them as donations to sell at the yard sale.  We imagined we would get some extra stuff, but we never quite imagined what God had in mind!!

Donations came pouring in, from both family members and friends, and we were shocked at how much stuff we had for this sale!  You'll see from the pictures below how incredibly large this sale was.  Calley donated most of her house it appeared, with clothes her kids had outgrown, toys her kids went through and picked out to sell (so sweet!), household items, baby items...You name it - She brought it!  We also received generous donations from several other family members and friends, including Kristi and Dana, Cathy and Rex, Dale and Geneva, Rachel, Angie, my Aunts and Grandparents, James Potter (Sam's boss), Amanda Nash (my coworker and friend), Kristi's neighbors, and Mesha and Steven (friends who just moved to Clear Lake).  Even my niece Reignah pulled out a couple of books, stating "These are so you can buy your kids!"  Haha!  In an effort to assure people we are in fact NOT involved with child trafficking, please know we are not buying our children, contrary to a 4 year old's perspective.  :)

With all of these wonderful donations came hours upon hours of sorting, labeling, pricing, and cleaning of items.  Thankfully Dana and Kristi (Sam's brother-in-law and sister) agreed to let us use their 3 stall garage!! We can in all honesty say, we NEVER could have done this yard sale without their garage and driveway.  We would have lined the streets at another residence, and while I'm sure they were very ready for their garage back, they were so extremely generous in letting us take it over for 3 weeks!  Even with all of that space, we quickly accumulated more things than we had space to sort.  So, each night, we'd pull out all the big items into the driveway so we'd have some walk space to sort the clothes, toys, shoes, and household items.  Then we'd pull them all back in each night.  Sam's sisters Calley and Kristi spent SO SO many hours helping us get ready for this garage sale, and we again, could NEVER have done this without them!!  We could shout THANK YOU from the top of  mountain and it wouldn't be enough to repay them for their generosity and dedication to helping us with this sale.  Each night the entire week before the sale, we were out working until at least 1:00 AM to get everything ready to go.  The last night, while Nikki (Sam's sister) diligently made signs to hang up around town, we completed the finishing touches.  I think we finally went to bed around 2 AM, only to be up 4 hours later to pull everything out for an 8:00 start!  Exhaustion was a common feeling by the end of the week, but I would do it all over again if I had realized the magnitude of God's love for His children and the ways he would show it through this event!

One side of the garage - kids clothes and shoes

Back of garage - electronics and accessories

Other side of garage - toys and household items

Right outside of the garage - the start of the big items

Down the driveway - both sides were lined with big items!

Coming up the driveway - there are things everywhere!

We absolutely never could have anticipated the outcome of this sale!!  Not only did we get rid of 75% of what you see in these pictures, but we met wonderful adoptive families and extremely supportive fellow community members!  Monetarily, a little math is needed to realize the impact of this sale.  Not only was this sale profitable, but it covered, to the dollar, the fees we have already had to pay.

$3,200 for agency fees, $250 application fee, $200 processing fee = $3,650 fees we've paid to date
$36 for newspaper ads, $14 for posterboard and markers = $50 expenses for garage sale
Garage sale profits = $3,700

Only HIS work...

The thought of fundraising leaves you feeling selfish.  Actually raising funds leaves you with an overwhelming feeling of humility.  The hours spent, the donations given, and the outcome this had brings me to tears.   Our children are so incredibly loved already, and I am one proud and amazed Mama.  I should never be amazed by the stunning and unexpected outcomes our God produces - He is a mighty and amazing God.  But I also hope I'm never so expectant that I miss this feeling of pure awe in Him...

We cannot say enough thanks to all of those who supported this event.  For those who donated items - THANK YOU!  For those who donated time - THANK YOU!  And for those who purchased items, gave donations, and provided a smile of support - THANK YOU THANK YOU!  

I hope this reaches some of you who came to the sale Labor Day weekend.  We handed out "thank you" cards to everyone who came, explaining a little about our adoption, and inviting them to this blog.  We hope they have come to share in this journey with us - your prayers and ongoing emotional support for our 2 beautiful orphans, and all the orphans of the world are invaluable!  

As you can see to the right, Sam and I have set a fundraising goal of $10,000.  We are scrimping and saving everything we can to come up with the additional $20,000 that's left for this adoption.  We want our kids home, and if that's what it takes - so be it!  After all, these expenses are going towards the investigations in the country to make sure our children are "true orphans" and there isn't a birth parent or birth family able to raise them (after all - staying in their culture and country is the first choice).  The money is also going towards our wonderful agency who is helping us every step of the way.  The remaining is simply travel costs.  Our round trip plane tickets will be around $4,000, and since we are likely bringing home children over 2 years old, we will have each of their one-way plane tickets as well to bring them home.  We will be in the country for 1-2 weeks, so there are added expenses there.  Long-story short (yeah right - as if I can ever tell a short story! ha!), we have to do more fundraising.  :(  

We will continue to post about upcoming fundraisers for anyone who is interested.  For now, our next fundraiser will be an ongoing one.  As you can see below - we are selling adoption t-shirts.  This also has a dual purpose, as advocating for orphans has become a strong passion of ours.  There are 147 MILLION orphans in the world.  There are 2.7 Billion professed Christians in the world.  If only 8% of those Christians adopted, THERE WOULD BE NO MORE ORPHANS.  

That equates to roughly one family in every church.  One family.  We want to bring awareness to these children, and we want to encourage and love and pray for anyone who can support adoption in any form.  Perhaps you have also considered adoption.  Perhaps you want to financially support an adoptive family.  Perhaps you can offer daily prayers for the orphans of the world.  Every bit of help is needed and a blessing!

If you are one of those families who has considered adoption, please contact us.  We had NO idea what to do when we started, and we were literally going on nothing besides faith.  If we can adopt - anybody can adopt.  And if it feels daunting, look at it this way.  In 2 years from now, we will know nothing different.  Our children will be ours...They will be in our home, and they will be ours to hug and kiss and tell bedtime stories to.  We will spend many days playing at the park, and baking cookies, and having water fights outside.  We will get to sing Christmas carols together, and snuggle in for movie night.  We will get to praise God, every day, for the blessings He has given, and together with our children, we will say daily prayers for the orphans who still need homes.  This will be our reality, and the details between now and then are only details.  For it is all God's plan, and He will provide for anybody wanting to adopt.  He has a plan for each one of His orphaned children, and that plan could involve you.  As our shirts say, Will You Save One?

Even if you personally cannot bring an orphan into your home, you can wear this shirt and advocate for these orphans.  Because for every person who sees your shirt, that could be the one person God intended to reach that day with His message to adopt.  What a beautiful impact you could have!  

Adoption T-Shirts!!

NOW ON SALE FOR $15 EACH!

Black t-shirts, either v-neck or regular collar, in sizes Adult S-XL.  You can order by paying securely with paypal (button on the right), and either put in the comments what size and collar type you want, or you can contact us directly and let us know what sizes you would like.  We have all of the shirts, and will mail them directly to you once you order!

The image above was designed by Laura and I to try and capture the enormity of so many children in Africa who have no home and no one to take them in, as well as to help others find the courage and willingness to adopt.  The shape of Africa is made up of lots of children names in order to show this (even though a few hundred names or so hardly captures what millions would look like).  It also has the statement/question, "Over 50 Millions Orphans, Will You Save One?" to help inspire others to step out of their comfort zone and help those in need.  The last highlighted portion is Matthew 18:5 which is Jesus saying "And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."

We hope you all like them as well as their message.  If you are able and willing to support our cause, please purchase one and know that you are helping us to be able to realize our dream of having those two wonderful kids home with us!

Prayers and Tears

When we started our application for One World, we came across the section, "Child Preference Form". This form is the motivation behind the title of this post, because it caused us a lot of tears and a lot of prayers.

Some adoptive families have very specific preferences for the child they want to adopt. Most of the time, it is a healthy infant, usually of a specific gender. People like being able to pick their children when it comes to adoption, as the statistics show. The children who are less adoptable are older than 2 years old, sibling groups, and any degree of special needs. These labels are like plagues to children waiting for families. It's a sad day when a child turns 2 in the orphanage - their chances of getting adopted drops considerably. Each passing year brings lower and lower chances of being adopted. Sad huh?

Since we aren't the majority parents who want a healthy infant, we were faced with decisions on this Child Preference form. The possible answers to all questions were yes, no, or would consider. Yes meaning we want a child of that specific characteristic, No we definitely do not want a child with that characteristic, or we would consider a child with that characteristic. It started off with gender, then age, then sibling groups. Then it got to the list of special needs.

This list ranged from a lisp to Down's Syndrome/Mental Retardation. There were roughly 30 special needs or diseases we had to go through and state whether we would consider a child with that diagnosis, or turn away from a child with that diagnosis. There are A LOT of differences between parents of biological children and parents of adoptive children. First, biological parents never have to fill out a questionnaire about their parenting style or their strengths and weaknesses. Second, biological parents don't have a say in what their child is born with. Since adoptive parents have to go through a lengthy interview process to be deemed good enough to adopt, on the other hand they have the "luxury" of choosing their children right?

Ugh...yes. We have the "luxury" of choosing our children. But we don't want to choose our children!! We don't want the perfect child, because no child is perfect. How can we, privileged white people in America, look at a child and say with our noses in the air, "No, you're not good enough for our family"?? We can't and we don't want to! We want the "damaged", the ones who are pushed away by other families, who have lost hope because nobody chooses them. Going through that list, trying to be realistic but finding it impossible to feel okay with judging these children we've never met with a diagnosis they never asked for, was by far the hardest thing we have had to do with this adoption. I realize there is a long road ahead of us, but the impact this list had on us was unforgettable.

We tried to go through it - twice. We got a little farther, but both times ended in a lot of prayer about what God wanted us to do. Should we mark "would consider" for every disability and have faith God will give us what child we're meant to have - no matter the challenge? This is what giving birth is like, right? Or do we look at it realistically, knowing our own limitations? For example, we both have to be able to keep working. Our health insurance is through my work, and Sam can't get it through his. Sam's job is the main income for the family. Our house isn't wheelchair accessible. We aren't bringing home a baby with a disability with time to adjust and modify our home as that child grows. We are bringing home a child who could be old enough to already be too heavy to lift. But...if God gave us a child who had needs such as these, He would also have a plan for us to get through those details as well. See the dilemma?

Well, we decided to put "would consider" on all but 5 special needs on that list. We are saying yes to nearly everything, but still feel some shame in saying no to some. We said no to diseases that would be highly contagious for the other children in our family, and we said no to severe physical special needs. Thankfully, we have the ability to talk to our social worker and explain in further detail what degree of special needs we are comfortable with - mild and moderate, but that we are unprepared for more severe special needs, and do not feel equipped to care for a child who requires total physical care. We also work with a wonderful agency and social worker who can discuss in detail with us the children they have available so we can be a part of that decision process before being given a formal referral. I pray this doesn't show a lack of faith in God to give us what we can handle, but I also believe God is not limited by a Child Preference form. If we're meant to have a child with more involved special needs, He's going to make it happen - our answers aren't going to stop Him.

Even with that list out of our hands, we continue to pray God presents the children we're meant to bring home to our family, no matter what they look like, act like, or are diagnosed with.

Agencies, Decisions, Paperwork....Oh my!!

So, in case I didn't mention it already, the general process for adoption decisions goes as follows:

1. Choose a country.
2. Choose an agency.
3. Decide what type of child you want.
4. Find a homestudy provider.
5. Start the paperwork.

We kind of went out of order, but these 5 steps are quite involved. You all know this already, but we decided to adopt from the Democratic Republic of Congo, then we decided to adopt 2 children, then we had to decide on an agency.

Finding THE agency you're going to work hand in hand with throughout this entire process is a daunting task. Not because there are so many bad agencies and you can't feel confident - there are many, many great and caring agencies out there. The problem is, there aren't always a lot of consistencies between agencies. First of all, not every agency works with every country, so you have to narrow down the agencies who work directly with your chosen country. Once you get that narrowed down, then you can start your real research with each agency. Here's what I found in researching agencies.

*Each has their own set of agency requirements - outside of the country requirements - for example, some require you to be a Christian, some have a policy against getting pregnant when you're adopting, and some don't have any additional requirements at all.
*Each has their own set of fees and estimated total costs for adoption.
*Each has their own idea of the time frame you can expect when adopting through them.
*Each has their own way of handling customer service - some hold your hand, some give you the info and it's up to you to figure it out.
*Each has a different program in your chosen country - some are just starting out, some have been around longer, etc.

I shouldn't say "each" because not every agency was all that different from the next, but it was important to find out all of those above details to know exactly what the agency expected of you and what you can expect from them. I supppose some people don't worry a lot about the agency they choose, but since this is our first time adopting, and the Congo is a relatively new adoption country, we wanted to be confident in at least our agency. So much of international adoption is subject to change, and there is a degree of unpredictability in any stage of the process, so at least we can find a stable agency.

After a lot of research (anybody noticing a trend with me? Goodness, I annoy even myself), we decided to hire One World Adoption Services for our adoption agency. They are based out of Georgia, which is fine - it just means we have to find an Iowa homestudy provider to do our homestudy, adoption education, and post-placement visits. We chose One World for the following reasons:
1. They were the first agency to start adoptions in the Congo 4 years ago, and have had families traveling back to back this year to get their children. Every other agency (with the exception of MLJ Adoptions) is just now starting so we would have been a part of a pilot program - 1 of 10 families being pioneers for that agency's work in that country. That would have been fine, but again - first adoption, we wanted a little more stability.
2. Their time frame was listed as quick as 9 months, on up to 18 months. This didn't vary too much from agency to agency, but One World actually knew that time frame from experience of 4 years worth of adoptions, as opposed to guessing because it's a pilot program like other agencies.
3. They own and operate their own orphanage in the Congo, so they have complete control over the children's care, and how the orphanage is ran in country. This also allows us a little more knowledge of our children than a government run orphanage. This does however, eliminate some of the "rescuing" of children who are in those extremely horrific conditions in an orphanage, so I'd actually choose to adopt from a government run orphanage, but this agency was by far our first choice, so this comes along with it.
4. Their fees were roughly $15,000 cheaper than all other agencies. Since they own the orphanage, their fees are lower and they as an agency just have conservative agency fees, bringing the costs down. Also, since it's not a pilot program, they know what their costs are and aren't facing unexpected costs in country or other things that cause the costs to go up.
4. They did NOT have a policy against getting pregnant during the adoption process. Now, the reason most agencies have a policy against this and will stop your adoption if you get pregnant is because they know you need time to adjust and bond with your biological child, and would be unable to give the adopted child your full attention and bonding period with a new baby. I completely understand and agree with this - people should not be trying to have a baby and bring home an adopted child at the same time. But, what about those situations where a pregnancy is trying to be prevented and the 1% happens and you get pregnant? This is Sam and I - we are trying to prevent pregnancy, but if that happens and we are forced to stop our adoption, that would be devastating. I do not want to lose a child to gain a child. Not to mention the non-refundable money you've already put towards the adoption. I do not want to risk feeling resentment that I'm pregnant, and I do not want to mourn for children we were matched up with but had to let go because of the agency policy. Again, totally agree with the policy in cases where people are wanting to super-grow their family in a short amount of time. Each child needs you individually. I just didn't want to take this risk.
5. After speaking with Terri, our social worker from One World, and asking her all of my questions, I knew she was a wonderful person who would be great to work with throughout our adoption. It is important to feel good about the person you'll be working closest with. The agency might look great, but if you can't share in the excitements and sorrows of your adoption right along with your social worker, you'll be missing an important personal piece.
6. I asked the agency for a list of references, and emailed every single one of them. All 6 I got back were raving reviews for One World, with two of them having adopted from the Congo, so I could talk to two families who had recently been through the same process we were about to go through.
7. The final way I knew we were on the right track... One day, I was looking at the website for the orphanage we went to in Haiti, mourning for those children we loved on so dearly for 8 days, and I came across the list of agencies who do adoptions through that orphanage. Out of the 6 listed there, and after all of the time I spent looking at adoption agency lists, the only one I recognized was One World Adoptions. Our agency was one of 6 agencies who adopt children out from the very orphanage we visited in Port au Prince, where there are many many orphanages. I just thought that was pretty cool.


So, tonight we completed our application for One World Adoptions!!! We also paid our first official adoption fee, so it's safe to say we're officially committed. If only all the fees were only $250, haha!! We are also well into the rest of the paperwork for our homestudy, so that's underway too! We should have our first homestudy appointment next week, so now it's time to clean, organize, and sort to get ready for that. The house doesn't have to be perfect, nor do the kids' room have to be ready to go, so just some deep cleaning and organizing is in order before our first visit. Tiny steps, tiny steps. They don't seem to add up to much all at once, but to our sweet children waiting for us, that's one tiny step closer!

Add 2 More, and Burlesons Become 4!

During our dicussions about which country to adopt from, we were also discussing whether or not to open ourselves up to sibling groups. Sibling groups are difficult to adopt out because most people don't want to take on more than one child at a time. So, we concluded, we are adopting two children. This might come as a shock to some, I think it did to me at first!

For those of you who don't know Sam very well, I'd like to do a little explaining. The power of God has been shown in many magnificent ways...and in our small lives, this is one of them! In our conversations about children pre-Haiti, Sam would usually make some comment about how uncomfortable talking about kids made him, accompanied by a gagging motion, and finished off with "We're only having two!" Anyone around for these conversations can attest to that, which actually happened frequently because our brother-in-law Dana used any opportunity to remind us it was time for children, and as he would put it "You're not getting any younger!" :) All in good fun of course! Since Dana's been pushing for kids for at least 2 years now, that's a lot of gagging :)

Another frequent conclusion of Sam's was that we were NEVER having girls. It just wasn't in his genes. His original theory was that the Burleson family only had children according to what gender the Burleson parent was. (We all laugh at this because this theory has been disproven three times now). To be fair, when he made this theory, Kristi had 3 girls, and Brian only had a boy. However...Calley has always had a boy, so that right there might have been a clue he's not onto something, but I love my husband for his big ideas. Since then, Kristi had a son and Brian had a daughter, so the theory would logically be disproven...

So the theory shifted from "We won't have girls because that's just not how my family works" to "We won't have girls because WE just won't have girls!" He clearly wasn't letting the "no daughters" policy go. I'm not sure of his reasoning, but I think girls scare him :) We're emotional and complicated. Sounds scary enough. I didn't have the heart to tell him we don't have a lot of control over that, nor that the more times he joked about it, the more girls we would probably end up with - God has a sense of humor too :)

SO to sum up, no more than 2 children, and NO girls.

I'll keep saying it, Haiti changed everything.
The way God works in us is truly indescribable.


Post-Haiti: Sam wants to adopt two children. He's also said the words "...next time we adopt..." :) I love my husband for being open to God's plan and not his own!

So...why two children? Simply put, we figure why rescue just one from potential death (because in the Congo that's what they face - 50% death rate for children under 5), when we can rescue two? Also, there were a few reasons we've decided not just to say we're open to a sibling group, but to request a sibling group. First, siblings deserve to be kept together...and most countries recognize that - they will not adopt siblings out separately because they know how important this is. But there's a catch 22 with this...siblings are being overlooked because they're siblings. They don't deserve to have to wait many years for a family to want them just because there's two, or three, or four of them. They're being overlooked for something that's in their best interest in the first place. Why does it feel so good to keep them together, only to feel so sad they're not getting adopted? More families should consider this.
Second, when we're bringing children home of a different race into an all-white family, it's going to be crucial for them to have someone they can identify with, and someone who came from their heritage. They will inevitably at some point, or maybe many points, of their lives feel like they're "different". Whether it's because they're black, or because they're adopted, or because they're Congolese. Regardless, we will work very, very hard to teach and praise our children for being different, reminding them that God makes each one of us special. Nobody is the same, and that's a magnificent thing. If we can minimize their feelings of being different in our own home, where they are to be the most loved and most accepted, it will be because they have someone else who looks like them and came from the same mother, country, and culture. The rest will have to fall into place, but they deserve to have someone going through the same thing right along side them.
Some might ask then, if two, why not more? I guess the best answer to this is that we also have to be a little bit realistic. Sam has concluded he would rather have man-on-man defense instead of zone for our first bout at parenting, so no sibling groups of three or more. :) Being first time parents, we will have a lot of adjusting and learning to do. Besides, like Sam says..."next time we adopt..."


I feel one-sided talking only about Sam's pre-Haiti feelings in this post. To clarify, I had pre-Haiti feelings too. I might have been able to talk about having children without gagging, that's true...but I was also transformed through our experience in Haiti. It's humorous to me - the limitations we put on ourselves only to find out God knows us better than we know ourselves. I am talking a lot about Sam's feelings because in this particular area, I think it is especially obvious the changes God can make in a person who's willing to let Him. Sam made the choice to be changed, praying he would become the man God wants him to be. That's the type of surrender I strive for, and Sam has whole-heartedly allowed God to work in him.

Oh, and one last thing....


Did I mention yet that Sam said to me the other night, "I feel like we should consider adopting girls..."

The Research Begins...

When Sam and I returned from Haiti, we still didn't have a good idea of the adoption process. Then when we decided we were going to adopt, we had this grandeur idea of looking at a list of children who have been waiting for homes and overlooked by others, and pick out our children...

HA! What an idea! We quickly found out that's not at all how the process goes. There are only two countries who put their list of available children out there before a family extends their desire to adopt - China and Bulgaria. Every other country waits for a family to submit their paperwork, then they choose one of their available children and pass it on to the family. So, we were told we first needed to pick a country and go from there.

There are 185 countries listed on the Adoption.state.gov website. I would say 75% of them have either had no adoptions ever documented from there, or a very small amount (usually indicating those adoptions were relative adoption only). So, because I have a difficult time making any decision without thoroughly evaluating all my options, I went through all 185. I first evaluated the number of adoptions they've had in recent years, and eliminated those with little or no adoptions in 2011. After countries made the first cut of having enough adoptions to even legitmately consider, I then looked at the requirements to adopt from that country.

Boy is this a whole new world. The requirements are broken up into sections:
1. Age of adoptive parents
2. Length of marriage for adoptive parents
3. If not married, whether or not singles are accepted
4. Number of times adoptive parents have to travel to the country in the process.
5. How long the adoptive parents have to stay in country during the process.
6. Cost of adoption from that country
7. Age of children available in that country
8. Length of time it takes from start to finish to adopt from that country.
9. Income requirements
10. Religious requirements

So, I went through and evaluated each country left, eliminating based on the following criteria we had within the above requirements:
1. I'm 28, Sam is 31 - this eliminated just a few countries - China (have to be 30), Haiti (have to be 35), and another (have to be 40).
2. We have been married for 4 years, and will be married 5 years in May. This didn't eliminate too many, although some did require marriage of 5 years, and Haiti we know requires marriage of 10 years.
4. We didn't have a preference for the number of trips, but the more times you have to travel, the more costs are incured because of extra plane tickets, housing while you're there, etc. There is an up side to that of course though - while you're in country, you have guardianship over your child and he/she can stay with you in your guest house or hotel, allowing for some very good bonding time.
5. Travel time length eliminated a lot of countries. There were a shocking number of countries who required several weeks, or even several months, in the country before you could proceed with your adoption. Sometimes it was because court proceedings were delayed, or could reschedule without warning. Other times it was because the countries wanted you to live with your child for 30 days to make sure it is a good fit before proceeding. While this makes sense, our jobs won't allow for that length of time away, and since we have to have jobs to support the children we're bringing home...kind of important. Here are some examples:
Hungary - requires 2 trips - 1 trip is 30 days, the next trip is 15 days - can be combined to stay in country the whole time.
Ethiopia - 2 trips, 1 week each trip.
Japan - in the country for 18 months before you can adopt....
The list goes on and on. So, we eliminated any country who required us to be in the country for longer than 2 weeks at a time.
6. Cost came into play some, but most countries are around the same price. Russia and Kazakhstan are considerably more expensive, so we vetoed them since we weren't partial to adopting from there in the first place.
7. Age we didn't care a lot about because we were aiming to adopt those kids who have been waiting...so we didn't eliminate any based on this. But to give you an idea, some countries didn't have any children under 5 because so many people want to adopt infants, to give you an idea of where age groups come in with countries.
8. Length of program - Bulgaria is 2-3 years. China is close to 3 years unless you're adopting a waiting child (waiting could mean older, a sibling group, or special needs). We weren't interested in starting our family in 3 years. It's kind of like when you decide you want to start a family and you want to not only be pregnant immediately, but you want that baby to hurry up and get here. So we eliminated some countries who were just too long to wait. Sometimes the wait times were long because they have a lot of adoptions going through them, and sometimes it's because they have a process in country that doesn't allow for it to go any faster.
9. Our income disqualified us for some countries, but most didn't have income requirements - they just wanted to see that you could support a child/ren.
10. Some countries required you to be Muslim...so we don't qualify for those.

Some of the above information wasn't readily available on every country, so after narrowing down what we could on the above criteria, we came up with 15 countries we were ready to research further:
Armenia, Bulgaria, Columbia, Democratic Republic of Congo, Ethiopia, Ghana, India, Lithuania, Poland, South Korea, Taiwan, Uganda, Hungary, Ukraine, and Hong Kong.

We looked up more about the adoption programs, the children available, the agencies who work in these countries, the costs, the travel time, etc. We vetoed the countries for the following reasons, and were down to 4 countries:
Armenia - Too long of travel (2 trips, second trip is 3-6 weeks)
Bulgaria - Too long of program (2-3 years)
Columbia - Too long of travel (3-7 weeks)
Ethiopia - adoptions are slowing down there, and wait time was getting longer
Ghana - due to the recent arrests there, agencies are recommending all adoptions hold up until they can figure out what's going on. Suspect of child trafficking :(
India - Too long of program (2-3 years)
Poland - Too long of travel (4-5 weeks over 3 trips)
South Korea - Too long of program 2-3 years)
Taiwan - Both parents have to be 30
Uganda - Travel time is unpredictable (3-7 weeks first trip, then 2 weeks second trip)
Hungary - too long in country (45 days)

We were left with Lithuania, Ukraine, Hong Kong, and Democratic Republic of Congo.

From here it was purely prayer, and where God was compelling us to adopt from. Here's why we chose DRCongo:

**There are over 5 MILLION orphans in DRCongo alone. Agencies call it the Orphan Crisis.
**The DEATH RATE for children under 5 is 50%. Half of all children will not make it to their 5th birthday.
**The WARS in Africa are claiming lives every single day - either by raiding villages and making young boys (6 and up) kill their families and kidnap for them to become soldiers, or kidnapping the girls to be sold into sex slavery. These kids need out.
**SICKNESS is plaguing the country, and more children are abandoned due to parents dying from not being able to afford or get any medicine.
**Some orphanages hold over 200 children, with NOT ENOUGH FOOD to feed them. So, the kids eat one meal every other day. When was the last time you went 48 hours without eating?
**DRCongo is the 2nd POOREST country in the world.
**If the above reasons aren't enough already, it's a shorter program (12-18 months), sibling groups are available and need adopted, and only one trip is required for only 7-10 days.

There is a need everywhere - even here in the U.S. While it's hard to say where the need is greater, we KNOW these Congolese children need us. They are dying without help, and the growing number of orphans can't possibly decrease without families pursuing adoption. The biggest difference for us between domestic and international adoption was simply the difference in circumstance for the children. Like I said, there is a need for adoptive parents here in the U.S., but here there are foster homes and a family type setting for most children who are without parents. I KNOW the system isn't perfect, and children are still hurting here. But we don't have orphanages. We don't have children sleeping 25 to a room with no windows in 100 degree heat. Our children are fed three meals a day (in theory - I know there are awful circumstances even here), and our kids live in a place that at least has food and clean water available. Our bare minimums are far beyond what a country like DRCongo has on their best day.

So...this is why we chose to adopt from the Democratic Republic of Congo. We feel drawn there, and know our children are waiting. We will persevere through any trials that come our way. Because if your child were living in those conditions, wouldn't you too do everything you could to bring them home?